A friend I quite admire once told me he sits down to write everyday regardless of how bad his writing is. He told me to write at least 200 words each day to keep up my writing habit. Obviously I hadn't. If I had, I would have a lot more blog posts by now.
I can't believe 2012 is coming to an end. Has it been a year already? Sometimes I think that 2012 was forever, then I look back say that time pushes me forward too fast. (And most of the times I wish I could control time like in Final Fantasy.)
It's astonishing how much one can change in a year. If a year ago someone had whispered in my ears all the things I do today I would probably sock that person in the face and call liar. Then again I'm not pretending to say that I didn't want change, that I wasn't looking forward to a breath of fresh air.
Haha, I kid.
I don't know where this post is going. I don't know how I feel. Apprehensive about the new year, maybe. Sad about leaving the old. Promises made and secrets shared, can I keep them for another 365 days? That I may, at the end of 2013, whisper them to myself about the wonderful things of another dreamy year?
I hope so. I dearly hope so.
I don't think I need to list out the changes in 2012... Nor the things I hope to complete in 2013. After all it's not the beginning nor the end that's important, though people naturally focus on it more. It's the journey that counts. It's the adventures you embark on with comrades that make the times forever memorable.
The fireworks are starting. Happy new year, all!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
How to Impress People With Your Non-existant Cooking Skills
I've never been any good at cooking. The best I've done is make instant noodles. But for all the other cooking-idiots out there, there are tricks to come up with a ridiculously simple dish that would impress people who previously never thought you knew how to turn on the gas.
Fried rice is the epitome of a ridiculously easy meal. An 8-year-old can fry rice. So can you.
The best thing about fried rice is that there are no fixed recipes for it. You can add anything you like, and excluded anything you don't like. Even to that though, there are some basic things you should have, which I will list.
Things you need to prepare:
Fried rice is the epitome of a ridiculously easy meal. An 8-year-old can fry rice. So can you.
The best thing about fried rice is that there are no fixed recipes for it. You can add anything you like, and excluded anything you don't like. Even to that though, there are some basic things you should have, which I will list.
Things you need to prepare:
- A wok. Or frying pan, but a wok is better.
See, this is how cooking fried rice feels like.
- Oil. Any sort of oil would work. If you don't have any, butter is a nice substitute. Margarine is not advisable.
- Rice. (Cooked rice, mind you.) You can use left-over rice from the day before, but make sure it has been refrigerated. Leave to room temperature if that's the case.
- Vegetables. Many people are disgusted with vegetables and don't want them anywhere close to their mouths, but vegetables are found in many dishes for the simple reason that they are good. And I mean taste-wise. Vegetables add flavor to the dish, and since fried rice is generally tasteless, you MUST have at least one kind of vegetable to mix. (The more the merrier!) A good base would be cabbage and carrots. I personally like to add tomatoes.
- Eggs. Crack them open and beat them until they have bubbles on the surface. Personally I like to add a small dollop of mayonaise to make the egg fluffier. Beat continuously. Make sure the egg mixture is very light and bubbly!!!
Bubbly egg, like this.
- Meat. (Optional) Take a small piece of meat, boneless. Let it thaw if it's been kept in the fridge and make sure it's soft.
- Seasonings. Here you can go crazy. Get soy sauce, salt, a small amount of ajinomoto if you so feel like, but keep in mind that this will be how your fried rice will taste like. If you feel like sweet fried rice, sure, but a good tip is to NEVER overdose on the salt.
Great, now that you have all these things, it's simple enough after a short grocery trip. Now comes the fun part. You get to play around... WITH A MOTHAFUCKIN' KNIFE.
Cutting shit up, with a chainsaw.
First, you cut shit up.
Get the meat and SLICE, DICE and STAB THE THING until it's dice-sized cubes. If you think you're chef enough, marinate the meat to get some flavor.
Now get the green stuff. Chop the vegetables until they're just shreds of fiber. Don't mash them though. Small pieces will suffice.
After all this, don't forget to clean the blood off your weapon knife and keep it. Set the wok or pan over the stove and let it heat while you take a rest. Here, have a beer for all that hard work. After the wok heats up (you can stick your hand onto it to check its temperature, however insurance does not cover intentional self-burning), add about two spoonfuls of oil. Let the oil heat up.
If you have prepared meat, fry it first. throw them into the wok gently and stir fry. Basically just move the meat around with the spatula so it doesn't stick to the wok. Fry until cooked, then take them out and leave it aside.
Add more oil. Now time to fry those leafy green things! Just stir them around until they look cooked. Make sure they go through immense pain. Take them out.
Now we fry the egg!! Add oil again. Pour the egg mixture and let it cook. You don't have to worry about it not being perfect, you're going to mess it all up anyways. Try to let it cook until it's not too liquid, but still soft.
Now after this, throw the rice in. Add whatever seasoning you feel like, and mix the rice thoroughly with the egg. By this point you should lower to a small fire. Mix together the rest of the stuff you've cooked and then make changes to the dish according to taste.
When you deem it edible, spoon it out on a plate and there you have it: Fried rice.
You can already imagine the screams.
Now we fry the egg!! Add oil again. Pour the egg mixture and let it cook. You don't have to worry about it not being perfect, you're going to mess it all up anyways. Try to let it cook until it's not too liquid, but still soft.
Now after this, throw the rice in. Add whatever seasoning you feel like, and mix the rice thoroughly with the egg. By this point you should lower to a small fire. Mix together the rest of the stuff you've cooked and then make changes to the dish according to taste.
When you deem it edible, spoon it out on a plate and there you have it: Fried rice.
Yeah your shit ain't gonna look as good as this, but just
be sure you don't put anyone in the hospital.
Monday, December 17, 2012
DEAL WITH IT.GIF
Something about these few days just make me want to repeatedly punch something (rather, more specifically someone), and then the short conversation I had with a certain honored family member just broke what little control I had over my pent-up rage.
What the fuck do you mean the words you said, in that tone, to my face?
My family is not only racist, but biased as well. What they don't know, they reject. I envy those other people in relationships where the two families actually know each other and are at least on cordial terms with each other.
Mom, Dad. YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY ON WHAT GROUNDS ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU KNOW HIM.
It is absolutely infuriating when they make assumptions based on- wait for it- his parents. For god's sake you guys have never even met his parents. The only thing you guys know is their ethnicity, which doesn't at all tell you ANYTHING about their person. It's like saying that you must be a greedy gold digger because you're Chinese. Is that fair? No? Do you care? THEN WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT. So how on earth can you, from the assumption of his parent's ethnicity, bring that forward to his personality/character/general behavior. Have you even met him. Have you even tried to talk to him with an open mind that is not blocked by whatever bias you have in that empty skull? Is that not the point of the self-fulfilling prophecy, that you are seeing only the worst because you expect the worst.
I'm not stupid. At least I'm not as stupid as either of you when it comes to relationships, and I know for sure that you two are fucked up in the head, messed up in the heart, and completely paranoid. All I want was acceptance. To allow me to make my own damn decisions, to believe that I have made the right decision, to understand that I have thought, long and hard and over a period of three fucking months about everything I could possibly try to weigh the pros and cons of, to please, for the love of Jesus fucking Christ, leave me be to live my life because I am already 18, and I'm not even the ignorant sort of 18, so STOP MAKING MY DECISIONS FOR ME.
I do not appreciate it when you tell me that I shouldn't be hanging out with my friends, or that I should stop joining TAS, that I should probably not be "too attached to anyone", all based on very weak arguments- based on stereotypes and assumptions- and then tacked on with the infuriating, "We're older and more experienced than you, so we know better. Also you should listen to us because we're your parents."
In what world is that proper valid argument.
If there is any problems with what you guys think I'm doing with my life, sure. Come and tell it to me. Maybe we can sit down and talk about it over coffee. Maybe we can have a proper discussion and I can try to make you guys see it from my point of view and I will attempt to understand your fears. But is that ever happening? Do you think it's possible? You guys have lived your whole lives in ignorance about the most important aspects of human interaction. But guess what? I'm living my life, not yours. And my outcome will be nothing like yours.
What the fuck do you mean the words you said, in that tone, to my face?
My family is not only racist, but biased as well. What they don't know, they reject. I envy those other people in relationships where the two families actually know each other and are at least on cordial terms with each other.
Mom, Dad. YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET THE GUY ON WHAT GROUNDS ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU KNOW HIM.
It is absolutely infuriating when they make assumptions based on- wait for it- his parents. For god's sake you guys have never even met his parents. The only thing you guys know is their ethnicity, which doesn't at all tell you ANYTHING about their person. It's like saying that you must be a greedy gold digger because you're Chinese. Is that fair? No? Do you care? THEN WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT. So how on earth can you, from the assumption of his parent's ethnicity, bring that forward to his personality/character/general behavior. Have you even met him. Have you even tried to talk to him with an open mind that is not blocked by whatever bias you have in that empty skull? Is that not the point of the self-fulfilling prophecy, that you are seeing only the worst because you expect the worst.
I'm not stupid. At least I'm not as stupid as either of you when it comes to relationships, and I know for sure that you two are fucked up in the head, messed up in the heart, and completely paranoid. All I want was acceptance. To allow me to make my own damn decisions, to believe that I have made the right decision, to understand that I have thought, long and hard and over a period of three fucking months about everything I could possibly try to weigh the pros and cons of, to please, for the love of Jesus fucking Christ, leave me be to live my life because I am already 18, and I'm not even the ignorant sort of 18, so STOP MAKING MY DECISIONS FOR ME.
I do not appreciate it when you tell me that I shouldn't be hanging out with my friends, or that I should stop joining TAS, that I should probably not be "too attached to anyone", all based on very weak arguments- based on stereotypes and assumptions- and then tacked on with the infuriating, "We're older and more experienced than you, so we know better. Also you should listen to us because we're your parents."
In what world is that proper valid argument.
If there is any problems with what you guys think I'm doing with my life, sure. Come and tell it to me. Maybe we can sit down and talk about it over coffee. Maybe we can have a proper discussion and I can try to make you guys see it from my point of view and I will attempt to understand your fears. But is that ever happening? Do you think it's possible? You guys have lived your whole lives in ignorance about the most important aspects of human interaction. But guess what? I'm living my life, not yours. And my outcome will be nothing like yours.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Morph
I like to think that I am a strong, independent young girl with big dreams, because I've been conditioned to think I am. Maybe sometimes I'm not. Maybe sometimes I don't want to be.
It's quite surprising to everyone else how cynical my outlook on life is. Judging by what they know of me, I'm not surprised that they're surprised. But that's the thing: why let others know? Is it necessary for them to know every opinion? Sometimes people don't want to know, mostly people just don't care. And if they want to know, they ask. Then again usually it's the ones that ask that we can't be truthful to.
All my life I've been told to "be my own person" and "never let anyone tell you who to be". But what the fuck does that mean. What does it mean to someone who isn't sure of who they are- and honestly, how many of us is who we want to be rather than who other people want us to be? If you say you are, how are you so sure it's not society that's making you think you know who you want to be?
How about me?
What if who I want to be is exactly who I am now? That there are no more thoughts of what ifs and why nots.
What if my personality- this me, is really just a shapeless human- and I change for each person? To some I may be a friend to go to for advice, to others I may be the friend to go to for jokes, yet again to some I may be the quiet friend who doesn't say much.
I like being this unfixed person. No one is to say that I should do this or that because on what grounds can they make that judgement? I like that like Morph, I can take on many roles. I like to fill in the holes in people's lives. For many, I am that inconsequential, but fun to have around friend. I suppose I like being that way. Close enough to feel like I can make their lives a little happier, not close enough to care too much.
I don't like it when I get too close to someone. Attachment, to me, is like a drug. And as much as I hate to admit it, when I get attached to someone... I get attached to someone. It's not healthy. It's not nice. I hate myself for it. That's why I sincerely dislike having people in my personal space because sooner or later they will leave and there will be a hole in my bubble which should not be there.
It's at times like these that I wonder what happens after I'm dead. I don't mean to myself- I know what I'll do, I'll just die, simple as that- but to the other people that used to know me. How would they know of my passing? Would they rejoice? Would they be sad? Would they care?
If I died I probably wouldn't care much about myself. Hah. Then again I wouldn't know.
All I want is just validation, I guess. Just something to know that I'm doing things right. Because all I want to do is just make other people satisfied... and to not treat me like a problem. So I'll gladly be what they want me to be, because that's just who I am.
Morph.
It's quite surprising to everyone else how cynical my outlook on life is. Judging by what they know of me, I'm not surprised that they're surprised. But that's the thing: why let others know? Is it necessary for them to know every opinion? Sometimes people don't want to know, mostly people just don't care. And if they want to know, they ask. Then again usually it's the ones that ask that we can't be truthful to.
All my life I've been told to "be my own person" and "never let anyone tell you who to be". But what the fuck does that mean. What does it mean to someone who isn't sure of who they are- and honestly, how many of us is who we want to be rather than who other people want us to be? If you say you are, how are you so sure it's not society that's making you think you know who you want to be?
How about me?
What if who I want to be is exactly who I am now? That there are no more thoughts of what ifs and why nots.
What if my personality- this me, is really just a shapeless human- and I change for each person? To some I may be a friend to go to for advice, to others I may be the friend to go to for jokes, yet again to some I may be the quiet friend who doesn't say much.
I like being this unfixed person. No one is to say that I should do this or that because on what grounds can they make that judgement? I like that like Morph, I can take on many roles. I like to fill in the holes in people's lives. For many, I am that inconsequential, but fun to have around friend. I suppose I like being that way. Close enough to feel like I can make their lives a little happier, not close enough to care too much.
This is Morph, from Treasure Planet, if you don't know. I chose the saddest-looking picture from Google images because this is how I fucking feel right now.
I don't like it when I get too close to someone. Attachment, to me, is like a drug. And as much as I hate to admit it, when I get attached to someone... I get attached to someone. It's not healthy. It's not nice. I hate myself for it. That's why I sincerely dislike having people in my personal space because sooner or later they will leave and there will be a hole in my bubble which should not be there.
It's at times like these that I wonder what happens after I'm dead. I don't mean to myself- I know what I'll do, I'll just die, simple as that- but to the other people that used to know me. How would they know of my passing? Would they rejoice? Would they be sad? Would they care?
If I died I probably wouldn't care much about myself. Hah. Then again I wouldn't know.
All I want is just validation, I guess. Just something to know that I'm doing things right. Because all I want to do is just make other people satisfied... and to not treat me like a problem. So I'll gladly be what they want me to be, because that's just who I am.
Morph.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
When Socially Stressed, Punch Someone In the Face
Alternately, if for some reason you are unable to do so, you can choose to relieve your stress by doing other activities, whether legal or not. (However beware the legal consequences. Then again, knowing YOLO, I doubt legal consequences would be a priority.)
It comes pretty often when I am embarrassed- in fact I embarrass easily, something I inherited from my mother, vain as we are. This time I have proper reason to feel rightfully embarrassed. I don't particularly like being associated with certain people, due to that. Neither do I particularly like being associated with, say, my childhood.
I have done a lot of embarrassing stuff. People who know can wield such information and I will sooner or later bow to their threats. That in itself is embarrassing enough.
However the point is that punching someone in the face is the best remedy to cure your embarrassment. Preferably if said someone is the cause for embarrassment, then it just makes the punch sweeter. But then is it morally right to do that? Punch someone out of embarrassment? Wait, let's not talk moral. I have 99 problems, but moral values ain't one of them! (No, I lie. I don't have 99 problems.)
If punching people is a cause for concern, there is no need to worry. I've punched many people, mostly out of embarrassment, sometimes not. On special occasions I feel that a kick is more deserving.
Sigh. I still have not yet fully recovered from my prolonged state of sleeplessness. This cough is not helping either. Just one more day. Finals on Saturday!! I must get good marks for IPC, otherwise I will surely be chewed out for not studying enough. Apparently being born to 4.0 CGPA parents (LIES. I NEVER KNEW. THEY NEVER SAID.) getting a 2.8 is embarrassing to us all.
Stop being so lazy. has been on my New Year's Resolution List for a good 5 years now. Does it work? Nope. Maybe for the first two weeks of each beginning semester, but no, not really.
At this point I will stop here to slam my head into the wall and watch the blood dry.
It comes pretty often when I am embarrassed- in fact I embarrass easily, something I inherited from my mother, vain as we are. This time I have proper reason to feel rightfully embarrassed. I don't particularly like being associated with certain people, due to that. Neither do I particularly like being associated with, say, my childhood.
I have done a lot of embarrassing stuff. People who know can wield such information and I will sooner or later bow to their threats. That in itself is embarrassing enough.
However the point is that punching someone in the face is the best remedy to cure your embarrassment. Preferably if said someone is the cause for embarrassment, then it just makes the punch sweeter. But then is it morally right to do that? Punch someone out of embarrassment? Wait, let's not talk moral. I have 99 problems, but moral values ain't one of them! (No, I lie. I don't have 99 problems.)
If punching people is a cause for concern, there is no need to worry. I've punched many people, mostly out of embarrassment, sometimes not. On special occasions I feel that a kick is more deserving.
Sigh. I still have not yet fully recovered from my prolonged state of sleeplessness. This cough is not helping either. Just one more day. Finals on Saturday!! I must get good marks for IPC, otherwise I will surely be chewed out for not studying enough. Apparently being born to 4.0 CGPA parents (LIES. I NEVER KNEW. THEY NEVER SAID.) getting a 2.8 is embarrassing to us all.
Stop being so lazy. has been on my New Year's Resolution List for a good 5 years now. Does it work? Nope. Maybe for the first two weeks of each beginning semester, but no, not really.
At this point I will stop here to slam my head into the wall and watch the blood dry.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
The Puddle Phobia
I've gotten a case of the Puddle Phobia, in which I am now deathly afraid to drive past/next to/into a puddle of water at any speed above 20km/h.
Malaysian roads are terrible. Flyovers are not supposed to flood after the RAIN HAS STOPPED. Even so there shouldn't be a puddle HALF A TYRE DEEP. So deep that when you go past it the water actually goes over the roof of the car on the other lane.
In other words, MY CAR.
I literally felt my life flash before my eyes in that instant I got blinded. What the absolute fuck. The water- muddy water, on a damn tar road- covered the whole windscreen, all the way to the driver's side. It basically enveloped my whole car. Mind you, I was on the right lane. On a curved flyover. Which is maybe two stories high. Dear lord I could have died.
I am eternally grateful le petit ami was there to work things out for me- talking to the other party, helping me settle the issue, driving me home... Honestly I think I would be absolutely useless if I had to face it alone so late in the night. (Then again I probably would have sped away...) Thank whatever deity that I have someone who cares so much for me. <3 How many people would actually truly walk through the bad patches with you and be right there, supportive and reliable. (Reliable, what a word to be used!) I am lucky. Considerably so. Today just helped me realize that.
Tired of being such a hazard to other people and myself... What a night. What a day. I can't decide whether it's my fault or whether life just likes to bite me in the rear on days like these.
At least I know I'll never really fall too hard without someone catching me.
Malaysian roads are terrible. Flyovers are not supposed to flood after the RAIN HAS STOPPED. Even so there shouldn't be a puddle HALF A TYRE DEEP. So deep that when you go past it the water actually goes over the roof of the car on the other lane.
In other words, MY CAR.
I literally felt my life flash before my eyes in that instant I got blinded. What the absolute fuck. The water- muddy water, on a damn tar road- covered the whole windscreen, all the way to the driver's side. It basically enveloped my whole car. Mind you, I was on the right lane. On a curved flyover. Which is maybe two stories high. Dear lord I could have died.
I am eternally grateful le petit ami was there to work things out for me- talking to the other party, helping me settle the issue, driving me home... Honestly I think I would be absolutely useless if I had to face it alone so late in the night. (Then again I probably would have sped away...) Thank whatever deity that I have someone who cares so much for me. <3 How many people would actually truly walk through the bad patches with you and be right there, supportive and reliable. (Reliable, what a word to be used!) I am lucky. Considerably so. Today just helped me realize that.
Tired of being such a hazard to other people and myself... What a night. What a day. I can't decide whether it's my fault or whether life just likes to bite me in the rear on days like these.
At least I know I'll never really fall too hard without someone catching me.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Tits, Be Calm
I think I'm getting sick. Mostly because I've been agitated the whole day and secondly because I'm feeling warm all over. Then again that could be because of that smoking hot performance by Leanne just now. WHICH DID NOT, BY THE WAY, TURN ME ON, DADDY! I was just appreciating the performance!
I don't know what I'm feeling now, it's all messed up. All I know is that I'm tired but awake, which, knowing me, is a pretty potent combination.
I want to go to a club somewhere and dance till I drop dead asleep back into my bed.
Didn't talk to Le petit ami for the whole day. I think that's a first since we started. Can't reach the idiot, then again, I didn't try. I don't know what to say anymore.
Accusatory messages are best to never be written, because I 1) accusatory, and 2) see point one.
Other than the usual confused hormonal teenager whines, I received an 8/8 for both my recently submitted ETs, one which Mr Rey said was 'excellent' and another he said 'see me.' Should this be a time to rejoice? Either way I've got two more to write in 24 hours and I'm pretty much screwed, yeah. Well then damn. :\
I'm getting fat- and I'm definitely feeling fat. Good food all around. ;_; HNGHHHH. I'm broke and desperate to be in shape for Comic Fiesta, stop it!!
I don't know what I'm feeling now, it's all messed up. All I know is that I'm tired but awake, which, knowing me, is a pretty potent combination.
I want to go to a club somewhere and dance till I drop dead asleep back into my bed.
Didn't talk to Le petit ami for the whole day. I think that's a first since we started. Can't reach the idiot, then again, I didn't try. I don't know what to say anymore.
Accusatory messages are best to never be written, because I 1) accusatory, and 2) see point one.
Other than the usual confused hormonal teenager whines, I received an 8/8 for both my recently submitted ETs, one which Mr Rey said was 'excellent' and another he said 'see me.' Should this be a time to rejoice? Either way I've got two more to write in 24 hours and I'm pretty much screwed, yeah. Well then damn. :\
I'm getting fat- and I'm definitely feeling fat. Good food all around. ;_; HNGHHHH. I'm broke and desperate to be in shape for Comic Fiesta, stop it!!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Fucking Tired Doesn't Even Qualify
So I know I've been moaning all around the place about how tired I am. But right now my brain isn't even at the brain fuzzed level.
I'm so completely out of energy I feel like I'm using my brain cells itself as my energy source. Each hour that drags on by kills a bit more of my brain.
It's like I can't escape this vicious cycle. I'm always busy, I've always got things to do. I've got academic and social obligations. I've got people I have to smile at. I've got friends I have to talk to. I've got things I have to finish.
I hate that I have to deal with these obligations. I say obligations, because I can actually choose to say no, as many people have actually advised me to. But they're my obligations. It's not like I can not expect the consequences to come back at me later.
Besides, I guess it's a decision I don't want to regret later in the future.
Fuck that. I want to sleep. I need the rest.
I'm being selfish again. Oh god I hate this.
I'm so completely out of energy I feel like I'm using my brain cells itself as my energy source. Each hour that drags on by kills a bit more of my brain.
It's like I can't escape this vicious cycle. I'm always busy, I've always got things to do. I've got academic and social obligations. I've got people I have to smile at. I've got friends I have to talk to. I've got things I have to finish.
I hate that I have to deal with these obligations. I say obligations, because I can actually choose to say no, as many people have actually advised me to. But they're my obligations. It's not like I can not expect the consequences to come back at me later.
Besides, I guess it's a decision I don't want to regret later in the future.
Fuck that. I want to sleep. I need the rest.
I'm being selfish again. Oh god I hate this.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Insecurities, What Else Is New?
So I've been having a tough week. What with all the deadlines next week and assignments and this seriously, SERIOUSLY bad habit of procrastination I have, and the social obligations that seem to jam itself into this weekend... In short, I am screwed.
Le petit ami isn't that much better off, and I suppose I must be selfish for wanting attention at this time. Surely one can't concentrate properly if someone keeps distracting you? Priorities gotta be straight, after all.
I guess I should apologize for bring so harsh all the time... Obviously becoming a special someone didn't quite change my attitude. @___@" I do wish I could treat you better, though. I suppose I just don't know how to express it as well as I should.
And as usual I think of the worst scenarios all the time. All the bad shit. My mind just comes up with them like the hurricane that brought Dorothy into Oz. I know I need to stop doing so, considering how it tends to affect me, but... Minds don't particularly like to take orders.
I should know, I've been screaming at my brain to do some proper work for the past two days to no avail.
I remember I had more to write... But I suppose even if I do it isn't going to go anywhere. I'll have probably just found way to write something in different words, that's it.
I'll be needing coffee pretty badly later when I wake up. Aww fuck. :(
Le petit ami isn't that much better off, and I suppose I must be selfish for wanting attention at this time. Surely one can't concentrate properly if someone keeps distracting you? Priorities gotta be straight, after all.
I guess I should apologize for bring so harsh all the time... Obviously becoming a special someone didn't quite change my attitude. @___@" I do wish I could treat you better, though. I suppose I just don't know how to express it as well as I should.
And as usual I think of the worst scenarios all the time. All the bad shit. My mind just comes up with them like the hurricane that brought Dorothy into Oz. I know I need to stop doing so, considering how it tends to affect me, but... Minds don't particularly like to take orders.
I should know, I've been screaming at my brain to do some proper work for the past two days to no avail.
I remember I had more to write... But I suppose even if I do it isn't going to go anywhere. I'll have probably just found way to write something in different words, that's it.
I'll be needing coffee pretty badly later when I wake up. Aww fuck. :(
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Georgetown Literary Festival Class Trip!
It's Sunday, also the last day of our Creative Writing class trip. :(
Waiting at the Aeroline office at Queensbay mall now, the six of us. It's been so fun the past two days, exploring places with people my age... Since usually traveling places has been with parents and there are just some things you don't do with parents...
Had a lot of firsts this time, in Penang! It's quite interesting. I saw the town at night! We walked the streets past usual times and saw all sorts of people and pretty things. It was rather awe-inspiring to see the empty roads and little lights of pubs and backpacker hotels shining, and then wondering about them. I just wonder, actually. I don't really think too deep into things. Is that why Ms Bernice says I'm too shallow in my writing? Maybe I don't question enough. Maybe I don't speak out enough. Maybe I just smile too often and let thing wash over my head and I'm quite oblivious to the situation. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I should know. :\
A lot of the discussions were rather detached to me. I think it's because I don't have the writer's mentality any more. I know it's completely tragic that I've lost my writing mojo but that's what you get when you can't type on a laptop and have to rely on small screens. I can't even judge properly the length of my writings. ;_; what a tragedy!
Trying to type on a bus while nursing a headache is not a good idea. My tummy is churning, I'm close to throwing up now I think. Damn.
Waiting at the Aeroline office at Queensbay mall now, the six of us. It's been so fun the past two days, exploring places with people my age... Since usually traveling places has been with parents and there are just some things you don't do with parents...
Had a lot of firsts this time, in Penang! It's quite interesting. I saw the town at night! We walked the streets past usual times and saw all sorts of people and pretty things. It was rather awe-inspiring to see the empty roads and little lights of pubs and backpacker hotels shining, and then wondering about them. I just wonder, actually. I don't really think too deep into things. Is that why Ms Bernice says I'm too shallow in my writing? Maybe I don't question enough. Maybe I don't speak out enough. Maybe I just smile too often and let thing wash over my head and I'm quite oblivious to the situation. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I should know. :\
A lot of the discussions were rather detached to me. I think it's because I don't have the writer's mentality any more. I know it's completely tragic that I've lost my writing mojo but that's what you get when you can't type on a laptop and have to rely on small screens. I can't even judge properly the length of my writings. ;_; what a tragedy!
Trying to type on a bus while nursing a headache is not a good idea. My tummy is churning, I'm close to throwing up now I think. Damn.
Friday, November 23, 2012
ERMAHGERD BUSES
I'm high! No actually I'm just lacking sleep. It happens that I get really restless before I crash so right now I'm just at that bit where I can't keep my eyes open and can't keep my mouth shut. This is also why everything I'm typing! Ends! In exclamation marks!
Currently sitting on the bus to Penang with Eu Jin, Andrea, Wei Lim, Sheryl and Nelson! :D Eu Jin and I are having fun trying to make Andrea miserable, not that she isn't already. But more so. HAHAHAHA!
Oh dear god I'm so tired...
Missing people already. Le petit ami, for one, but more of my mom. :\ the Snickers she bought just makes me miss her more. What nonsense is this tho, I won't be seeing her for the weekend. Ugh! >_<
This broadcast is disturbingly noisy and unintelligible. And so long! Ugh, #rude! == tsk. Please,
1. Better speakers and
2. Better microphone and
3. Better broadcaster, generally.
I'm not sure which of problem 1 and 2 is the main issue but problem 3 is a definite big issue here.
Oh at least the blankets are really soft and nice.
I'll sleep. I gotta sleep otherwise I will not be able to function properly past the weekend. >_<
Currently sitting on the bus to Penang with Eu Jin, Andrea, Wei Lim, Sheryl and Nelson! :D Eu Jin and I are having fun trying to make Andrea miserable, not that she isn't already. But more so. HAHAHAHA!
Oh dear god I'm so tired...
Missing people already. Le petit ami, for one, but more of my mom. :\ the Snickers she bought just makes me miss her more. What nonsense is this tho, I won't be seeing her for the weekend. Ugh! >_<
This broadcast is disturbingly noisy and unintelligible. And so long! Ugh, #rude! == tsk. Please,
1. Better speakers and
2. Better microphone and
3. Better broadcaster, generally.
I'm not sure which of problem 1 and 2 is the main issue but problem 3 is a definite big issue here.
Oh at least the blankets are really soft and nice.
I'll sleep. I gotta sleep otherwise I will not be able to function properly past the weekend. >_<
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Oh Look! MIDNIGHT!
Leaving to Penang in approximately 17 hours and a half. I'm really quite excited about the literary festival with the Creative Writing class, it'll be a blast! My mom bought a box of Snickers for me as well, how nice! :D I am reminded of Forest Gump, which reminds me of Bubba Gump, which reminds me of yesterday's fish... Ugh.
However I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. This would be the fourth week (in a month, in a row!!) that I wouldn't be able to spend my weekend properly. As in, relaxing. == sigh. Why am I doing this to myself. :(
It's been such a busy month for me. Never having time to do stuff or hang out or just get some quiet time. Nope, no can do. Rushing here and there for assignments, group discussions, lunches... Many times I'm tempted to just curl up by the lake on the grass under the shade and sleep. Just close my eyes and drift away.
But that's like something out of a movie and it's not happening, so I deal with being busy and moaning about being busy. ;_;
And having said that, I've not been able to spend much time with Le petit ami as well the whole month. Went for dinner yesterday, which was great tho the food was quite a let down, and just enjoyed each other's company. I missed those days where we just sit together and talk about everything. :) I wish I had a little more energy tho. >_<
Midnight and I haven't finished packing for Penang yet. Oh dear. Ohhhh dear. :(
However I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. This would be the fourth week (in a month, in a row!!) that I wouldn't be able to spend my weekend properly. As in, relaxing. == sigh. Why am I doing this to myself. :(
It's been such a busy month for me. Never having time to do stuff or hang out or just get some quiet time. Nope, no can do. Rushing here and there for assignments, group discussions, lunches... Many times I'm tempted to just curl up by the lake on the grass under the shade and sleep. Just close my eyes and drift away.
But that's like something out of a movie and it's not happening, so I deal with being busy and moaning about being busy. ;_;
And having said that, I've not been able to spend much time with Le petit ami as well the whole month. Went for dinner yesterday, which was great tho the food was quite a let down, and just enjoyed each other's company. I missed those days where we just sit together and talk about everything. :) I wish I had a little more energy tho. >_<
Midnight and I haven't finished packing for Penang yet. Oh dear. Ohhhh dear. :(
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Acts
Ah. Double post, within two hours? When I blog I guess it's usually something that's really eating me.
Then I have make many posts about it because I'm vague and uncertain like a prophesier.
It troubling for me to go through this load of emotional bullshit again at this time. I really can't afford it. Studies are pressing on me, undone ETs eat at the back of mind, friendships start to fray at the end and relationships seem so much more murky now.
I guess I've reverted back to when I viewed the world with layered glasses. Meaningful layer after layer like the peels of an onion. Trying to peel each layer off just makes you cry so you just look at it with its skin on. The skin doesn't make you tear up, but the others will.
Quite sad, really, how the rose-tinted ones broke with the slap across my face. At least I've had them for a month, maybe more. I did quite enjoy myself greatly seeing things in shades of grandeur and optimism.
As usual I turn to One Republic. Others have their Radiohead and Skrillex and Metallica, I play safe with OneRepublic because they mend my soul with lyrics and words and beautiful songs.
Beautiful. Now that word has got a heavier meaning attached to it and I'm not sure what to feel about it. Certainly I appreciate the gesture greatly.
I wonder if I'm being fair to the people around me, but then again, it's not like I have a choice, right? I'm not selfless and all-loving. I care about others, but what use is that if I can't love myself first? Obviously self-hate is not helping me in any way here. Now is not the time to ponder upon the great dislike I have of myself. Lets save it for another rainy day.
Then I have make many posts about it because I'm vague and uncertain like a prophesier.
It troubling for me to go through this load of emotional bullshit again at this time. I really can't afford it. Studies are pressing on me, undone ETs eat at the back of mind, friendships start to fray at the end and relationships seem so much more murky now.
I guess I've reverted back to when I viewed the world with layered glasses. Meaningful layer after layer like the peels of an onion. Trying to peel each layer off just makes you cry so you just look at it with its skin on. The skin doesn't make you tear up, but the others will.
Quite sad, really, how the rose-tinted ones broke with the slap across my face. At least I've had them for a month, maybe more. I did quite enjoy myself greatly seeing things in shades of grandeur and optimism.
As usual I turn to One Republic. Others have their Radiohead and Skrillex and Metallica, I play safe with OneRepublic because they mend my soul with lyrics and words and beautiful songs.
Beautiful. Now that word has got a heavier meaning attached to it and I'm not sure what to feel about it. Certainly I appreciate the gesture greatly.
I wonder if I'm being fair to the people around me, but then again, it's not like I have a choice, right? I'm not selfless and all-loving. I care about others, but what use is that if I can't love myself first? Obviously self-hate is not helping me in any way here. Now is not the time to ponder upon the great dislike I have of myself. Lets save it for another rainy day.
Cold Skin
I don't understand why these days I've been feeling so cold.
Could be because I'm getting sick. Could be because the air-conditioning in Taylor's is just too damn cold. Could be because it's been raining everyday.
And I've always read in stories about how someone turns cold. As though suddenly all your heat just dissipates like ink in hot water.
I honestly always thought that it was creative license, to make things sound more dramatic.
It sucks then to have the heat dissipate off you like ink in hot water and all of a sudden you feel nothing and it's just cold. Nothing but cold.
Nothing but coldness in my veins. It sucks. I generally dislike the cold, but in this case, I just went numb.
I'm shivering as I type this. The fan blowing cold, after-rain air over my self does not help.
I still don't know what to do. My mind is blank. Quiet rain falls gently over the smooth flat stone steps in the Japanese rock garden in my head. Just water dripping and the silence of nature.
And now I'm listening to OneRepublic again because I can't help myself. I need some ridiculously sad music now.
I'm still cold.
Could be because I'm getting sick. Could be because the air-conditioning in Taylor's is just too damn cold. Could be because it's been raining everyday.
And I've always read in stories about how someone turns cold. As though suddenly all your heat just dissipates like ink in hot water.
I honestly always thought that it was creative license, to make things sound more dramatic.
It sucks then to have the heat dissipate off you like ink in hot water and all of a sudden you feel nothing and it's just cold. Nothing but cold.
Nothing but coldness in my veins. It sucks. I generally dislike the cold, but in this case, I just went numb.
I'm shivering as I type this. The fan blowing cold, after-rain air over my self does not help.
I still don't know what to do. My mind is blank. Quiet rain falls gently over the smooth flat stone steps in the Japanese rock garden in my head. Just water dripping and the silence of nature.
And now I'm listening to OneRepublic again because I can't help myself. I need some ridiculously sad music now.
I'm still cold.
Monday, October 29, 2012
KH:3D and Other Things
Ah well. The curtain lifted on the issue with the Boyfriend... That's a good thing. Though what first made me worry... I thought we had set ground rules. == Apparently someone forgot them. Sigh. It's quite confusing, really. :\ Although this shouldn't be a problem...? I guess kinks would happen every now and then, it's quite unavoidable. Fortunately they can be worked out. C:
I'm blogging now because I foresee two weeks or so of my head in my 3DS because I managed to get my hands on KH:3D!!!!! Thank you so much, Brandon! I owe you a huge one!!! >w<
Poetry is coming to an end now... I'm just glad I managed to breakthrough somewhat. Instead of "tightly controlled, shallow" work I suppose I'm hitting on something a little closer to home? Obviously zombies don't work. xD
Film class worries me though. :( It's quite sad to see Mr Rey angry in every other class because no one at the back would speak up! People! TALK! As he's said, it's not a good habit of Malaysians to sit still and be passive! It's a horrendous habit! Stop it! I want to answer his questions, but then I wait for you guys to answer because he doesn't want answers from me anymore. == It's not that hard. His questions are easy! They're not textbooks answers, it's logic, it's the things he's mentioned in class, again and again. Or maybe that's why you guys find it hard? Because answers can't be found on a textbook?
Mood swings have taken hold of me. That's not a good sign. It annoys me that I'm silently furious half the time now. I hate this. This is why I didn't want to break that comfort zone I had, because now I have to deal with all these shit. //rage
But then again. I guess I have to thank Ms Bernice for making me break that comfort zone... :\ I'll work it out.
I'm blogging now because I foresee two weeks or so of my head in my 3DS because I managed to get my hands on KH:3D!!!!! Thank you so much, Brandon! I owe you a huge one!!! >w<
Poetry is coming to an end now... I'm just glad I managed to breakthrough somewhat. Instead of "tightly controlled, shallow" work I suppose I'm hitting on something a little closer to home? Obviously zombies don't work. xD
Film class worries me though. :( It's quite sad to see Mr Rey angry in every other class because no one at the back would speak up! People! TALK! As he's said, it's not a good habit of Malaysians to sit still and be passive! It's a horrendous habit! Stop it! I want to answer his questions, but then I wait for you guys to answer because he doesn't want answers from me anymore. == It's not that hard. His questions are easy! They're not textbooks answers, it's logic, it's the things he's mentioned in class, again and again. Or maybe that's why you guys find it hard? Because answers can't be found on a textbook?
Mood swings have taken hold of me. That's not a good sign. It annoys me that I'm silently furious half the time now. I hate this. This is why I didn't want to break that comfort zone I had, because now I have to deal with all these shit. //rage
But then again. I guess I have to thank Ms Bernice for making me break that comfort zone... :\ I'll work it out.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
又来心酸
还没开始我就明白自己站在什么立场
明知道会辛苦 却 硬着头皮坑下去
。。。我到底是白痴还是自虐狂？
该理智的事情 该无情 该不理
可是看见你所写的一切 让我不尽想对墙壁喊
喊，但我不知道要喊什么
呆呆地
站在那里。
＊
看见朋友经历我所经历的。
同样的感受。同样的无奈。
想飞去英国看看他
但是有心无力、对不起。只能上网陪你度过难关。。。
就如那时的我
也有朋友 陪我度过难关
＊
人生 这条漫长的路
才走不到一半！
我
啊 笨蛋
我在慌什么
Friday, October 19, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
BRAIN FUZZ
You know that odd feeling when you brain kind of just floats around in your skull, all fuzzy and weird? Yeah that. I like to call it brain fuzz. Granted I've only just dubbed it, but yes I will refer to it as brain fuzz from now on.
Brain fuzz for at least like a day fuck.
Tried to take naps in between today but then people got in the way. But since I'm me, people > sleep so yeah, still brain fuzzed.
(Pretty sure this blog post will make no sense haha)
Have I mentioned how much Creative Writing has changed my life? Because. Because it has. If you still haven't gotten a proper idea, Creative Writing flipped my life upside down.
Actually I quite like the view from the ceiling.
I find myself walking down this road that I've never dared to walk before. Horror stories. Bad things happening. It's like I'm walking into a dark cave, or that crack in the wall in the middle of town which no one ever talks of except to warn me away from it but people still go in. Then come out, different.
It is weird. This imagery in my head. I want to write it out or draw it out or something, but brain fuzz and sleep and 8am morning call.
When I think back on the past month... No, six months... I am surprised at how much I grew up. I am also surprised at how much I don't want to grow up. No wait that's not right. How much my family don't see growing up as a good thing. Understandable. They haven't grown up.
I don't dare to say I've suddenly aged and become "adult". No, I think I've still got some ways to go. But I do agree that I am innocent and naive. Was, once. Now, less. Still am, probably.
I'm not saying that we must discard all innocence and naivety to grow up. But at least we need to learn that which is not innocent. That which is corrupt and decadent and vulgar, because only when we learn this can we make full judgement. I have no idea what I'm talking about. But writing this at 1am with brain fuzz, I believe this might just make it into my material for ENGL210.
Sometimes. I wonder about hypocrisy. I'm a huge hypocrite, I know. But now I see people differently. She used to be the perfect vision of lawful good. Now I see a hypocrite and scared woman. Suddenly life just... sucks. I've lost my wiling suspension of disbelief for the golden screen. Now I'm looking into her eyes and just thinking that she's been through too much. I suppose her blanket of innocence is the only thing keeping her from cracking. She's just a young child who was thrown into the lion pits. She survived, but only because she shut herself away from the lions. In mind. Just like him.
They both shut themselves up and sealed it with angry words and delirious accusations. Her in her innocence and him in his corruption.
When you think about it, it's sad.
I'd like to think more about it but my brain is fuzzed. I can't write shit for gold now. Verbal vomit indeed.
I wonder what more I'd see after the cage is unlocked. What world awaits me.
I wonder if I'll continue down the road.
Brain fuzz for at least like a day fuck.
Tried to take naps in between today but then people got in the way. But since I'm me, people > sleep so yeah, still brain fuzzed.
(Pretty sure this blog post will make no sense haha)
Have I mentioned how much Creative Writing has changed my life? Because. Because it has. If you still haven't gotten a proper idea, Creative Writing flipped my life upside down.
Actually I quite like the view from the ceiling.
I find myself walking down this road that I've never dared to walk before. Horror stories. Bad things happening. It's like I'm walking into a dark cave, or that crack in the wall in the middle of town which no one ever talks of except to warn me away from it but people still go in. Then come out, different.
It is weird. This imagery in my head. I want to write it out or draw it out or something, but brain fuzz and sleep and 8am morning call.
When I think back on the past month... No, six months... I am surprised at how much I grew up. I am also surprised at how much I don't want to grow up. No wait that's not right. How much my family don't see growing up as a good thing. Understandable. They haven't grown up.
I don't dare to say I've suddenly aged and become "adult". No, I think I've still got some ways to go. But I do agree that I am innocent and naive. Was, once. Now, less. Still am, probably.
I'm not saying that we must discard all innocence and naivety to grow up. But at least we need to learn that which is not innocent. That which is corrupt and decadent and vulgar, because only when we learn this can we make full judgement. I have no idea what I'm talking about. But writing this at 1am with brain fuzz, I believe this might just make it into my material for ENGL210.
Sometimes. I wonder about hypocrisy. I'm a huge hypocrite, I know. But now I see people differently. She used to be the perfect vision of lawful good. Now I see a hypocrite and scared woman. Suddenly life just... sucks. I've lost my wiling suspension of disbelief for the golden screen. Now I'm looking into her eyes and just thinking that she's been through too much. I suppose her blanket of innocence is the only thing keeping her from cracking. She's just a young child who was thrown into the lion pits. She survived, but only because she shut herself away from the lions. In mind. Just like him.
They both shut themselves up and sealed it with angry words and delirious accusations. Her in her innocence and him in his corruption.
When you think about it, it's sad.
I'd like to think more about it but my brain is fuzzed. I can't write shit for gold now. Verbal vomit indeed.
I wonder what more I'd see after the cage is unlocked. What world awaits me.
I wonder if I'll continue down the road.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Well then.
It's close to 6pm on this day of my father's birthday. Ironically he isn't here and I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up to go to his birthday dinner.
Hmm.
Not really sure what to write. I have plenty of things to write, but I'm not sure what exactly to write about now.Maybe my fabulous new clothes.
Shit has been happening. I think I'm caught in that spot between traditional thinking and free thinking. Conservative culture and liberal culture.
It breaks my heart, really it does.
It hurts that she doesn't understand me. I don't even feel like she's trying. She just instantly rejects my thoughts or opinions once they don't sound right to her. If she sees this though, she'll probably yell at me for putting words into her mouth again. Unfortunately this is exactly what she's doing. I just put it in a very harsh way. It hurts even worse that we used to be so close together.
I'm pretty sure there's something I can do, but I've tried being nice and friendly to no avail, so I'm done with this shit.
There are a lot of things I probably could have forgiven in the past, but not now. Now I'm my own person so I'd like to have my own opinions, thanks.
Hahahaha my parents would probably scream that I'm too much influenced by American culture. Ironically I was put in ADP by them so really they're got no meat to that. Also it's called voicing out. Generally asians tend to conform. I don't want to anymore.
I think I'll just go camwhore in my fabulous new clothes now. :\
Hmm.
Not really sure what to write. I have plenty of things to write, but I'm not sure what exactly to write about now.
Shit has been happening. I think I'm caught in that spot between traditional thinking and free thinking. Conservative culture and liberal culture.
It breaks my heart, really it does.
It hurts that she doesn't understand me. I don't even feel like she's trying. She just instantly rejects my thoughts or opinions once they don't sound right to her. If she sees this though, she'll probably yell at me for putting words into her mouth again. Unfortunately this is exactly what she's doing. I just put it in a very harsh way. It hurts even worse that we used to be so close together.
I'm pretty sure there's something I can do, but I've tried being nice and friendly to no avail, so I'm done with this shit.
There are a lot of things I probably could have forgiven in the past, but not now. Now I'm my own person so I'd like to have my own opinions, thanks.
Hahahaha my parents would probably scream that I'm too much influenced by American culture. Ironically I was put in ADP by them so really they're got no meat to that. Also it's called voicing out. Generally asians tend to conform. I don't want to anymore.
I think I'll just go camwhore in my fabulous new clothes now. :\
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I'm Supposed To Be Writing Poems
In direct contrast to my previous post which my Other Father Andy has so gleefully... shared... a few weeks back... I suppose I can say that everything now has changed... greatly.
Well.
My month of depressingly pathetic Facebook statuses and whiney complaints is finally over, and I am still quite embarrassed to believe I actually wrote and posted stuff that seems like it came out from a bad, cliched chick flick/shojo manga/romance novel.
It sort of makes me shrivel up on the inside while banging my head on a hard surface repeatedly. But it's an important step I took, I guess, so I'll keep it just to remind myself of all the shit I went through.And to remind the Boyfriend as well.
Shockingly enough, I am not single anymore. It was super weird thinking that last week, but I think I'm a little more used to it now. Hahaha.
(I'm starting to think I should private my blog now, SO YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STALK ME, ANDY.)
Skipping to a completely different topic, I absolutely adore Creative Writing because it is fabulous and wonderful. I feel like a different person altogether after taking that class. I think I grew up quite a lot these few weeks, and understood myself a lot better. I think crying over yourself makes you do that. Understand yourself. Then you cry. Then you understand yourself. Again the cycle repeats.
It's a little past 1am and I'm supposed to be writing poems. I love poems, they're just so precious. Hard to understand at times, but precious nonetheless. That being said I dread letting other people review them, despite how much I enjoy writing them.
Just because I like writing does not mean I particularly enjoy people reading my shit unless I intend for them to read it. Most of the times I don't. Other times I write fan fiction. HAHAHAHA.
Listening to music was supposed to get my creative juice flowing and my writing gear kick in. I suppose it did, only it kicked into the wrong gear. LOL. Poems! Instead I'm blogging, (which was sorely in need of an update, true) while Roxas' theme plays in the background.
I want to sleep.
Well.
My month of depressingly pathetic Facebook statuses and whiney complaints is finally over, and I am still quite embarrassed to believe I actually wrote and posted stuff that seems like it came out from a bad, cliched chick flick/shojo manga/romance novel.
It sort of makes me shrivel up on the inside while banging my head on a hard surface repeatedly. But it's an important step I took, I guess, so I'll keep it just to remind myself of all the shit I went through.
Shockingly enough, I am not single anymore. It was super weird thinking that last week, but I think I'm a little more used to it now. Hahaha.
(I'm starting to think I should private my blog now, SO YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STALK ME, ANDY.)
Skipping to a completely different topic, I absolutely adore Creative Writing because it is fabulous and wonderful. I feel like a different person altogether after taking that class. I think I grew up quite a lot these few weeks, and understood myself a lot better. I think crying over yourself makes you do that. Understand yourself. Then you cry. Then you understand yourself. Again the cycle repeats.
It's a little past 1am and I'm supposed to be writing poems. I love poems, they're just so precious. Hard to understand at times, but precious nonetheless. That being said I dread letting other people review them, despite how much I enjoy writing them.
Just because I like writing does not mean I particularly enjoy people reading my shit unless I intend for them to read it. Most of the times I don't. Other times I write fan fiction. HAHAHAHA.
Listening to music was supposed to get my creative juice flowing and my writing gear kick in. I suppose it did, only it kicked into the wrong gear. LOL. Poems! Instead I'm blogging, (which was sorely in need of an update, true) while Roxas' theme plays in the background.
I want to sleep.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
嗯
很久没有写blog了
其实是应该做功课的。。。但是心烦
心很烦
烦到像B级影片的夸张。
（（悲
最近又睡不好了，很想全部怪你的，但又不是你的错。
啊，其实一切都是你的错。
很想讨厌你。明明就是一个超级白痴，可是却如此的可爱。。。天啊，我中毒了！
慢慢的发觉自己笑不出了，吃不下了，病起来了。
看来这个毒也中到蛮深的。。。我知道。
人生中第一次为另外一个人抓狂到酱，你什么感觉啊？有没有自满？有没有厌恶感？
若你没有厌恶感。。。对不起，我有。我痛恨现在的我，这个没有笑容、需要人家依靠的我。
为什么你说不出我想听的话？为什么我只能想到最坏的结局？
为什么我无法再好好和你面对面讲话了？
对不起
我毁了这个友情
我对不起你
也对不起自己
很久没有写blog了
其实是应该做功课的。。。但是心烦
心很烦
烦到像B级影片的夸张。
（（悲
最近又睡不好了，很想全部怪你的，但又不是你的错。
啊，其实一切都是你的错。
很想讨厌你。明明就是一个超级白痴，可是却如此的可爱。。。天啊，我中毒了！
慢慢的发觉自己笑不出了，吃不下了，病起来了。
看来这个毒也中到蛮深的。。。我知道。
人生中第一次为另外一个人抓狂到酱，你什么感觉啊？有没有自满？有没有厌恶感？
若你没有厌恶感。。。对不起，我有。我痛恨现在的我，这个没有笑容、需要人家依靠的我。
为什么你说不出我想听的话？为什么我只能想到最坏的结局？
为什么我无法再好好和你面对面讲话了？
对不起
我毁了这个友情
我对不起你
也对不起自己
Monday, July 2, 2012
Midnight Updates
I actually have a lot of things to update... The trip I took with my family to Tanjung Sepang (I think...?); a over-the-weekend Penang trip, that Wednesday night when we ventured to the Taman Connaught pasar malam... I can't believe 3 weeks has already passed since then. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING OTL
This week is going to be a busy week for me... A lot of Sociology research due in the near future, my History 102 debate on Thursday, History 102 Mid-terms on Friday, Malaysian Studies video due sometime soon...
Sometimes I wished I didn't procrastinate, but then again I'm pretty sure if I didn't procrastinate I wouldn't be as efficient as I am today. Hahaha. Excuses! I am so used to doing last-minute work. It's like if I don't do my work last-minute I'll be confused and lost.
But okay no, I've really started reading up on History now okay. :( I can't wait until this Saturday! :D For our Sociology community service my class decided on helping out the Soup Kitchen! We'll be patrolling the back alleys of KL scouring out homeless people and giving them food. C: I would probably make me feel really good and stuff. :D Like one of those saint-people. Like Mother Teresa, only with less contact because I despite how selfish this would sound I really am not looking forward to touching them. :\
I haven't even started doing the props for the TWEWY cosplay... /headdesks Although tbh it's not really a rush, but every time I see that pack of paper clay sitting on the coffee table I'll feel slightly bad about it and stuff.
Then I see the doll's dress next to it and I wait patiently for my plastic clip rings to arrive. C: Yay!
Oh god this was supposed to only be like a super short update/post because I'm half-way doing my Sociology research. :C Uh. But at the same time I can't find any relevant articles as of yet so... Oh well. I guess my ranting skills bleed into typing as well. Tsk.
This week is going to be a busy week for me... A lot of Sociology research due in the near future, my History 102 debate on Thursday, History 102 Mid-terms on Friday, Malaysian Studies video due sometime soon...
Sometimes I wished I didn't procrastinate, but then again I'm pretty sure if I didn't procrastinate I wouldn't be as efficient as I am today. Hahaha. Excuses! I am so used to doing last-minute work. It's like if I don't do my work last-minute I'll be confused and lost.
But okay no, I've really started reading up on History now okay. :( I can't wait until this Saturday! :D For our Sociology community service my class decided on helping out the Soup Kitchen! We'll be patrolling the back alleys of KL scouring out homeless people and giving them food. C: I would probably make me feel really good and stuff. :D Like one of those saint-people. Like Mother Teresa, only with less contact because I despite how selfish this would sound I really am not looking forward to touching them. :\
I haven't even started doing the props for the TWEWY cosplay... /headdesks Although tbh it's not really a rush, but every time I see that pack of paper clay sitting on the coffee table I'll feel slightly bad about it and stuff.
Then I see the doll's dress next to it and I wait patiently for my plastic clip rings to arrive. C: Yay!
Oh god this was supposed to only be like a super short update/post because I'm half-way doing my Sociology research. :C Uh. But at the same time I can't find any relevant articles as of yet so... Oh well. I guess my ranting skills bleed into typing as well. Tsk.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
18th Birthday
21. June. 2012.
Officially best day ever. ♥
I swear to god I was downing so hard on the eve of the 21st. DOWNING. SO. HARD. xDD
You guys. I swear I love you guys.
My god Louis I can't believe how I lived without you in my life before. Hahaha!! Skyping with you and trying on my clothes and cheering me up while I was being a general whiny bitch LOL AND YOU PUT UP WITH MY SHIT. OMG. LOUIS I LOVE YOU. ♥ And right on the dot you gave me my first legit b'day wish! Jeez! You adorable bastard you! xD Ahahaha, webcam hugsssss!!
So in the morning, what to do but to CAMWHORE LOOOOL. xD This time I went for more boyish clothes.
And then... OMG in uni everyone was so nice and wished me happy birthday... I feel so loved! ♥ Although I think the TAS people planned something I missed? I don't know... but still! xDD Random ass talk about dengue and blood types with Nadzmi! LOL!!
Hahaha then had lunch with Sammy... You were so mean to me!!! xD Was Mehdi in the joke too? Was that why he kept saying the conversation was amusing? xDD Tak Min probably was laughing her butt off when I left wasn't she! Jeez, you people! xDD
Then met up with Rex who showed me his flash video... To Key Of Awesome's Adam Lambert parody which is ingenious and legit amusing. ALL THOSE VIDS LIKE WHAT OMG LOL.
Went to M'sian Studies where I was a dick and fell asleep right after my own group's presentation (Group 2, THANKFULLY.) HAHAHA. Still managed to take a pic with bestie Alison though! :D LOL primary school friend turned bestie! :DDD
Then we went to Sunway Bubba Gump for dinner... Where we managed to meet up with Candee!!! OMG GURL SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN YOUUUU!! Too bad we didn't manage to talk much!! >m<
And... OMG SURPRISE OF MY LIFE. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY FOOLED ME OTL WHAT WAS I DOING. xDD I was downing so hard because I thought Sammy and Leanne were like "Oh I can't make it... sorry." WHAT!! WHAT WEIH.
They came out of nowhere and SHOUTED IN MY EAR. GUYS. And shoved a bag at me. GUYS I COULDN'T EVEN SEE PROPERLY THROUGH MY TEARS OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH.
And oh god THE SHOES. The friendship shoes OMG GUYS I STILL CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I AM LOVING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW. ♥
We so, so totally need matching shoes.
The people at Bubba Gump gave me a pretty awesome birthday chant lol. It's amazing tho, how many people who share the same birthday have decided to celebrate at Bubba Gump! xD Oh and guys the cakes!!! Nggghhhhhh chocolateeeeeee!!!
Aww lookit the happy couple!
Yeah? Yeah??? xD For some reason the conversation turned to gay sex and being single IDK LOL. I think the margarita got to my head! But it was good, the margarita. Expensive, but good. Sweet Jesus I need to go to a gay bar some day and order all the gayest drinks I can find. xDD
And just when I thought the surprises were over... I opened the door to my room to find THIS.
Hahahaha guys I feel even worse about missing the gathering now!!!! Ahh!! See you guys in eight (or less) hours!!!! I have no idea how they ninja'd into my house in the afternoon BUT GUYS GUYS GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
This is seriously, seriously adorable. ♥ OMG how can I ever eat them!!! xD Can't wait to see you guys!!
Holy shit it's already past one am, hahaha perhaps the reason I'm not sleepy is the margarita... xD (I managed to drive myself home! Amazing feat, no?)
Thank you guys for giving me the best 18th birthday ever!!!! ♥
Oh and to the awesome 94 people who gave me birthday wishes on Facebook... THANK YOU!!! ♥
Officially best day ever. ♥
I swear to god I was downing so hard on the eve of the 21st. DOWNING. SO. HARD. xDD
You guys. I swear I love you guys.
My god Louis I can't believe how I lived without you in my life before. Hahaha!! Skyping with you and trying on my clothes and cheering me up while I was being a general whiny bitch LOL AND YOU PUT UP WITH MY SHIT. OMG. LOUIS I LOVE YOU. ♥ And right on the dot you gave me my first legit b'day wish! Jeez! You adorable bastard you! xD Ahahaha, webcam hugsssss!!
So in the morning, what to do but to CAMWHORE LOOOOL. xD This time I went for more boyish clothes.
Yeah fuck it I was moody in the morning hence THOSE DEAD EYES YEAH IDK MAN. xD
And then... OMG in uni everyone was so nice and wished me happy birthday... I feel so loved! ♥ Although I think the TAS people planned something I missed? I don't know... but still! xDD Random ass talk about dengue and blood types with Nadzmi! LOL!!
Hahaha then had lunch with Sammy... You were so mean to me!!! xD Was Mehdi in the joke too? Was that why he kept saying the conversation was amusing? xDD Tak Min probably was laughing her butt off when I left wasn't she! Jeez, you people! xDD
Then met up with Rex who showed me his flash video... To Key Of Awesome's Adam Lambert parody which is ingenious and legit amusing. ALL THOSE VIDS LIKE WHAT OMG LOL.
Went to M'sian Studies where I was a dick and fell asleep right after my own group's presentation (Group 2, THANKFULLY.) HAHAHA. Still managed to take a pic with bestie Alison though! :D LOL primary school friend turned bestie! :DDD
Then we went to Sunway Bubba Gump for dinner... Where we managed to meet up with Candee!!! OMG GURL SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN YOUUUU!! Too bad we didn't manage to talk much!! >m<
And... OMG SURPRISE OF MY LIFE. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS ACTUALLY FOOLED ME OTL WHAT WAS I DOING. xDD I was downing so hard because I thought Sammy and Leanne were like "Oh I can't make it... sorry." WHAT!! WHAT WEIH.
They came out of nowhere and SHOUTED IN MY EAR. GUYS. And shoved a bag at me. GUYS I COULDN'T EVEN SEE PROPERLY THROUGH MY TEARS OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH.
Leanne and me~! :D
AHAHAHA IDK MAN IDK
And oh god THE SHOES. The friendship shoes OMG GUYS I STILL CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I AM LOVING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW. ♥
Look at that!! Those are one pair of damn beautiful shoes!!
We so, so totally need matching shoes.
The people at Bubba Gump gave me a pretty awesome birthday chant lol. It's amazing tho, how many people who share the same birthday have decided to celebrate at Bubba Gump! xD Oh and guys the cakes!!! Nggghhhhhh chocolateeeeeee!!!
Aww lookit the happy couple!
Andy! Your face!! xDD
Yeah? Yeah??? xD For some reason the conversation turned to gay sex and being single IDK LOL. I think the margarita got to my head! But it was good, the margarita. Expensive, but good. Sweet Jesus I need to go to a gay bar some day and order all the gayest drinks I can find. xDD
And just when I thought the surprises were over... I opened the door to my room to find THIS.
HEHEHE I PUT MY FEET IN THERE. 8D
Hahahaha guys I feel even worse about missing the gathering now!!!! Ahh!! See you guys in eight (or less) hours!!!! I have no idea how they ninja'd into my house in the afternoon BUT GUYS GUYS GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
This is seriously, seriously adorable. ♥ OMG how can I ever eat them!!! xD Can't wait to see you guys!!
Holy shit it's already past one am, hahaha perhaps the reason I'm not sleepy is the margarita... xD (I managed to drive myself home! Amazing feat, no?)
Thank you guys for giving me the best 18th birthday ever!!!! ♥
Oh and to the awesome 94 people who gave me birthday wishes on Facebook... THANK YOU!!! ♥
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
We Work In Threes
I feel as if it has been ages since I've last seen my two favorite girls, and when I think about it, it has been so long.
It is rare for friendship to last six years past they day we all separated- indeed, we all went to different schools and hung out with different people. We didn't even try to keep in touch for months. It's just that whenever holidays draw near, either one of us would pick up the phone and text the others. "When r u free? Go crash Ru house lor." would be one of the best texts to ever receive.
Due to SPM last year, we missed the chance to properly hang out- until Monday, exactly a week past Ru's birthday. And also because I have become the designated driver for most outings, we were suddenly open to more places to go, more flexible times.
And of course we took advantage of that.
ST and I first hung around Times Square, where we wanted to buy Ru's present. Halfway through we ended up shopping for clothes, so we got matching shirts for us all.
I despair at my figure compared to those two.
As you can see, we are shamelessly pimping the US of A. LOL.
We did see a really pretty Union Jack bag, but since we weren't sure whether Ru would like it, we left it at that. (Only later did we learn she DID want a bag, so we despaired again, but we'll go to Times Square during the May holiday, 'kay?)
And because I was deathly afraid of being stuck in traffic jams, we left early for Ru's house. We got there super early, in the end. So to entertain ourselves, we did what we could: play with the cameraaaaaa! xD
...Not only limited to cameras, of course.
Took even MORE photos.
We were actually kind of lost in Mid Valley, since none of us was sure what to do there. We sort of drifted around the top floor, as Ru wanted to watch a movie, yet both ST and I had just about finished watching all the recent movies. Ru went all == on us. We got ourselves some Chatime, which was a rather painful experience to recall...
In the end we decided to go bowling. It was one hell of bad day for me, 'cuz my marks was exceptionally terrible. Who goes gutter 4 rounds in a row? I never want to go to Cosmic Bowl again, for the love of god. xD I'm going to stick with TS bowling alley. ST got two strikes though. Now let me go wallow in shame for a while before I come back.
Dinner was Domino's pizza. We tried the new Extreme Edge crusts, which was surprisingly good, although a tad bit salty.
And since we were waiting for the food, we took... even MORE PICTURES. Haha! xD
Ah~ it was amazing to just catch up on everybody's lives again, after so long. So many stories to be told. So many things to talk about.
So many weirdest antics ever. Like taking pictures in front of an open stall and literally blocking the way. xD
Yay for best friends for life! :D
It is rare for friendship to last six years past they day we all separated- indeed, we all went to different schools and hung out with different people. We didn't even try to keep in touch for months. It's just that whenever holidays draw near, either one of us would pick up the phone and text the others. "When r u free? Go crash Ru house lor." would be one of the best texts to ever receive.
Due to SPM last year, we missed the chance to properly hang out- until Monday, exactly a week past Ru's birthday. And also because I have become the designated driver for most outings, we were suddenly open to more places to go, more flexible times.
And of course we took advantage of that.
ST and I first hung around Times Square, where we wanted to buy Ru's present. Halfway through we ended up shopping for clothes, so we got matching shirts for us all.
As you can see, we are shamelessly pimping the US of A. LOL.
We did see a really pretty Union Jack bag, but since we weren't sure whether Ru would like it, we left it at that. (Only later did we learn she DID want a bag, so we despaired again, but we'll go to Times Square during the May holiday, 'kay?)
And because I was deathly afraid of being stuck in traffic jams, we left early for Ru's house. We got there super early, in the end. So to entertain ourselves, we did what we could: play with the cameraaaaaa! xD
...Not only limited to cameras, of course.
Took even MORE photos.
In the end we decided to go bowling. It was one hell of bad day for me, 'cuz my marks was exceptionally terrible. Who goes gutter 4 rounds in a row? I never want to go to Cosmic Bowl again, for the love of god. xD I'm going to stick with TS bowling alley. ST got two strikes though. Now let me go wallow in shame for a while before I come back.
Dinner was Domino's pizza. We tried the new Extreme Edge crusts, which was surprisingly good, although a tad bit salty.
And since we were waiting for the food, we took... even MORE PICTURES. Haha! xD
LOL WAT. xD
(Tbh I like the third frame the most. xD)
Current FB cover pic. :3
"Okay, so how do you use this? What do you press?" Yes, I really don't know how to use anything that isn't an iPhone. /FAIL
FINALLY, FOOD! xD
So many weirdest antics ever. Like taking pictures in front of an open stall and literally blocking the way. xD
Yay for best friends for life! :D
ILU ♥
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Battleship
First let me say that this movie has no plot at all. There is a general idea (aliens invade earth, humans fight back with ships) but in terms of plot, it is so riddled with holes and wtf moments that it really is better to just take everything at face value.
But because I'm an asshole, I shall list the plot holes that my friends and I have discussed, together with generally funny stuff that came up.
There are many others, but just trying to recall the story makes my head hurt. It's all in all a fun movie, particularly with a bunch of friends, but it's easily forgotten and shallow. Enjoy the visual vomit.
But because I'm an asshole, I shall list the plot holes that my friends and I have discussed, together with generally funny stuff that came up.
- main character breaks into a convenience store for a chicken burrito, because obviously he needs to climb the roof and break many things. The police are called in, everything becomes highly dramatic, and the main character gets tased.
- Explosions.
- Explosions, then stop, rewind, and explode again. To quote Joel, "reversing time when you're caught in an explosion seems legit."
- The aliens have plastic-y beards. Wtfuckery exists.
- Apparently large battle ships can drift on water, much like how a car drifts on asphalt. I don't think anchors were meant to be used like that.
- Satellite dishes sends signals every 24 hours? Proposed time: 4.37am. What happened 4 hours before the time period? Hopper using the glare of the sun to blind aliens. This reminds me of the song Jetlag. "Figuring out the time zone's making me craaaaaazy!" Of course.
- Big alien yo-yos crash into Hong Kong. After causing great destruction, it is not mentioned ever again. For that matter, Hong Kong is not mentioned either.
- Fighter jets bomb a sinking ship. Explosions upon explosions indeed.
There are many others, but just trying to recall the story makes my head hurt. It's all in all a fun movie, particularly with a bunch of friends, but it's easily forgotten and shallow. Enjoy the visual vomit.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Em & Em
Recently just adopted my sister's Chloi and Clara!! They're adorable, no?
In the end I decided to rename them Emma and Emily. Say hi to Em & Em! :D (Emma is the one in pink, Emily is in purple.)
Emma is a lot more outgoing than Emily, but Emily has her own brand of beauty within her demure personality.
Since Emma wanted to go out and see the world, my sister and I derped around and decided to bring them out for a photoshoot! :D (With iPhones. We are so win, no? LOL.)
Matching floral prints!
We first checked out the flower garden.
Emma enjoying the fresh morning air.
Emily, amused at her sister's antics.
Babysitting Faith was fun but tiring, so they decided to take a little nap.
And as the day drew to a close, they were really sad to see Faith go.
Faith being adorable in the kitty outfit.
Next time they'll have more fun with her! Their first day out was quite exciting, and they can't wait for another outing! (Preferably with lots of food too!)
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