Teespring Review and Too Many Selfies

Recently I bought a hoodie from Teespring because it showed up on my Facebook ads (see, advertising). Honestly I wasn't expecting anything much (I spent a couple hours Googling if it was a scam) from the hoodie other than the design being so irresistible that I took a chance at it. I'm so glad I did.

Teespring works like those Kickstarter projects; they require a minimum number of orders to start printing the design. When I bought my design they had already reached their goal, but I still had to wait around two weeks for them to close the offer. (November 8th was the deadline.)

They sent me an email right after to confirm my order. It was also a nice touch to be able to track the progress of the shirts, I remember spamming it constantly as the deadline drew nearer because I was impatient.

They send you another email when the orders close as well, telling you an estimated delivery time. 

I was so excited! I told anyone who would listen about this ridiculously amazing hoodie I was getting because I'm a sucker for nerdy fandom things.

Another email saying that my order was being shipped. 

I got the email on November 14th, a Friday. I had expected the shirt to arrive the next week, since it was close to the weekend after all. Still, I was an impatient little bugger and tracked it the next day.

At first I was confused when the packaged said "delivered". Was there a mix up in tracking numbers? It couldn't have arrived so soon, could it...?

Lo and behold, it had. I had gotten my hoodie nearly a full week before it was supposed to. Was I incredibly happy? Yes. Was I also impressed? Yes.

Not nearly as much as when I opened the package, however. The hoodie, it turned out, was in hella good condition. It was freaking perfection. The material was thick and warm, the size was exactly right in all the right places, and most importantly, the printing was wonderful. It's not cheap thin print, it was textured white print that stood out in the most amazing way. I am a sucker for texture. I loved it so much.

A couple of different shots to capture the texture and material.

Wonderful lining for the front pocket.

The hoodie could probably have been worn right out from the package (there was no heavy chemical smell) but I was too much of a mommy's girl to not give it a quick wash beforehand. Washing instructions on the tag were clear, and the color never ran. Lovely.

Paired with colored pants, it sure does make a statement.

I love the collar the hoodie gives when it's down. It doesn't clump 

around the neck, but falls neatly to the side with some stiffness.

The hoodie looks good with the hood up as well. Some hoodies have 

too small a hood to actually be functional, I've noticed.

With the hood down.

Verdict: I love this hoodie. Material and design. I'd give it a 11/10 if I could.

On Teespring: it's my first time buying from Teespring, but I was seriously impressed with everything so far. Easy, pretty, and efficient. I'd recommend Teespring to anyone who's wondering if it's legit. I'd buy again if there were any new amazing designs I just had to have.

Japanese Omurice!

It's been a while. I'm starting to have fun here with friend I didn't think I would meet, but here I am. The past weeks have been great so far. I've been doing things I truly enjoy doing. Drawing, on an iPad with a stylus, is surprisingly not as terrible as I would think it would be.

Unfortunately the things I've been cooking recently all sort of suck, regardless of recipe or not. Maybe it's because I'm not really putting effort into cooking anymore. It's cold, all I want is hot stew and hot chocolate. Haha!

Anyway I tried making Japanese omurice for lunch today. It's basically ketchup fried rice wrapped in egg. Here's what I used.

I love my floral themed knife and cutting board. Go Daiso! Woot!

(That's milk in the eggs by the way. To make it fluffier.)

Here's what I got.

I tried my best? Haha. It's quite good, actually. The rice just needs to be cooked more. It's a tad too sticky. Having onions and corn is a good touch, because the little bit of crunch brings a more interesting texture to the dish. It's a relatively quick and brainless meal, so it's good for those lazy days. That being said, I really want to learn to make chawanmushi! It's near impossible to find chawanmushi here!

Surimi-stuffed Baked Mushroom with Colby-Jack Cheese

Since I picked up a whole lot of surimi (imitation crab meat) at Safeway (the Malaysian in me couldn't resist the 3 for $5 deal) I had to go look for recipes to see what to do with it all. I found one that included mushrooms, and so I decided to give it a try. I changed much of the recipe (especially the amounts) and used what was available to me. Instead of adding the cheese directly into the stuffing, I draped it across the top simply so that it looks better.

Ingredients:

Mushrooms, stems removed (8 ounces)
Surimi, shredded (4 ounces)
Cream cheese, softened (4 ounces)
Colby-Jack cheese, sliced (4 ounces to be on the safe side)

Seasoning: (this is what I took liberty with; feel free to add anything you like, as much or as little as you want. I'm listing all the options for different flavors.)

Sesame oil (for that extra oomph)
Garlic powder
Pepper
Chili powder

Steps:

First, remove the stems of the mushrooms. This is surprisingly easy to do, just bend them a little and they will break off cleanly. (Make sure you wash them first!)

You should pre-heat the oven to 350F now.

Next, combine the cream cheese, shredded surimi, and seasoning in a bowl and mix thoroughly. Then stuff the mushrooms! Try to pack it tightly so that it doesn't topple over.

After that, drape the cheese slices over it. make sure it coves nicely. If you're more of a cheese person you could add extra layers of cheese on the top as they melt pretty thinly.

Put it into the PRE-HEATED oven and bake for about 10 minutes.

You should get something like this.

Through the middle.

Verdict: This is best eaten fresh out of the oven. It's tender and juicy. It's savory and delicious. The flavor is released into your mouth as you bite down on the mushroom. I'd recommend this as an appetizer or side-dish, or even finger food for parties. Not quite a meal on its own. I'm glad I made it though, it's an interesting snack that I would never have thought about combining.

Things Don't Make Sense

The thing with depression is that you never realize you're getting there until you're in it. It's never an overnight turn of events (though that may be the trigger) but it's that moment when your brain is screaming at you with white noise at 3am in the morning and tears are streaming down your face and breathing becomes a problem that you hit the brakes and think to yourself, "Oh god, I'm in depression."

Of course that may be just me.

No one ever likes talking about depression because it's not a fun topic. No one would expect me to have depression either, because I'm not exactly unfamiliar with unicorns and rainbows and preppy bright colors. I wouldn't have thought I'd ever be here again. I thought depression was just something that you can get over once and build an immunity to, like chickenpox.

There is nothing strong about being in depression. People might discuss this whole concept in a classroom or in a group and someone might say, "Oh, you must be so strong to have gone through depression." It's nothing to be proud of. It's not a shining success to put on your resumé. It wasn't a conscious effort to cry myself to sleep and wake up before the sky grows light and throw on some clothes to go for classes in the cold. It was just routine. It allowed my mind to be on autopilot. It allowed myself to grab the cup of coffee and chug it so I can pretend that the migraine spreading through my skull was a side effect of the coffee, not the crushing stress of being a fuck-up.

In the same way that a homosexual may say, "I may not want to fuck that person, but I can still tell that the person is attractive.", I can still decide that today is a beautiful cool fall day, with the warm sun shining through the sparse clouds and the chilly wind calmly blowing into my hair to give it that attractive bouncy air. This does not mean that suddenly my life is all glitter and happiness and everything-in-the-world-is-right.

Often I wonder if I'm just too weak to make it, or if the world is cruel and we all living like this. If I am weak, then what will be the end of me? If the world is cruel, then what will be the end of us?

I find no reason to hide my depression now, possibly because I'm under the delusion that I'm so far away nothing will hurt me (though was that not one of the reasons why I'm here) and possibly because even American air smells of LIBERTY LIBERTY I DO WHAT I WANT I AM NOT SORRY FOR IT. The constant upkeep of my moods are rendered useless when I never see the people who even matter to me. I have no need to pretend to be keeping myself together when I don't even know where to begin. To my family and friends who see this, please don't worry yourself unnecessarily for me. I appreciate it, but I don't want it.

The Worst Thing About Growing Up

You see, I realize now that when my mom told me to not grow up so early, she was right. As she is with many many things.

Growing up isn't just necessarily "I'll do what I want" or "I'll make the decisions" or "It's my life" (guilty as charged). It's what comes after that, when things don't look so good and you chew on the short end of the stick muttering regrets. Mistakes happen, yes. But growing up means taking the bull by the horns and blaming no one but yourself.

I could name so many things to blame: the system, the people, the paperwork. Yet I can't, not really, only reluctantly. The only thing I can do is sigh and hope for the best. Ultimately I was the one who made the decision. Was it a good decision? No. Was it a bad decision? Probably. Should I have thought about it a lot more? Yes, but I understand at that particular moment in time I was desperate. It still isn't an excuse though, so I'll have to pay for that.

Taking responsibility for yourself is a hard course of action that isn't popular with anyone, but it is one we must take. Suffice to say, this time around I have truly learnt "I'll make the decisions" and won't ever make decisions influenced by others.

Consequences of Decisions

You know those days when you realize, deep in your heart, that you have an issue at hand, and it's between a rock and a hard place. It's between a rock and a very hard place.

I love decisions, and I hate making them. To do so is an act of responsibility, to bear the consequences of that decision.

To make a decision to eat chili pan mee, for example, when you are sick and having a sore throat, is to bear the responsibility to deal with the consequences of suffering your throat burning.

I hate even more the decisions that deal with the future. How am I to know that I have accurately dealt with the decision I was faced with? How am I to know that I have made the right choice? I've promised myself to always make my decisions with careful thought and to never regret my decisions on the basis that they were the right choices at that specific time with my current knowledge. This promise, of course, has caused myself great stress concerning all my life choices.

Fast food for dinner? Deal with the bloated tummy myself.

Spend my money on clothes? Deal with the uneasy weeks with extremely tight budgets.

Fly across the world to continue my tertiary studies alone without guidance? Deal with all the bullshit that comes along from the public university and homesickness.

I realize how easy it is to let myself go and roll in bed without a care in the world, giving nary a second thought to such decisions and instead go with "what you feel like".

Without a doubt the only thing I feel like right now is to fly straight home into the arms of loved ones and eat all the chili pan mee (and other terribly delicious Malaysian food I hungered for as I scrolled Instagram late last night) I can eat and live the rest of my life without a care in the world, watching TV shows and writing stories.

Unfortunately, that is not an option I can entertain, not even in my mind. Such is the consequence.

What can I do right now but to stop myself from breaking down and punching people in the face? Look on the bright side; look on the bright side... There is none.

Out of Steam

There is little more I can say other than how increasingly frustrated I am with my life right now. I try hard to look on the bright side all the time but falling sick is always due to stress and lord knows I'm stressed right now.

My voice is gone, and I sound like an insane mass murderer right now. I sure am feeling like a murderer.

I hate things being complicated and tentative- I am unable to decide and come up with plans efficiently. I'm unable to settle down and grit my teeth and say, "Let's get it over with.". I am unable to call for plans of action.

And when my life seems complicated and unsure, I lose motivation. Like a steam engine that has run out of steam. The amount of energy I need to throw myself into moving again is just too much.

My vision swims occasionally and I'm slightly concerned about my health. I don't have insurance, so if I die they won't ship my body home. Terrible, isn't it? I should live a safe, hermit lifestyle and stay in my room forever. No accidents, no sickness.

It's Friday. My life is stagnant for the weekend, and it's unlikely I'd do anything more than sit at home and laze about. I should appreciate it, but I don't think I can. I miss home.

Labor Day Backyard BBQ

It's Labor Day! In America this translates to a mellow family gathering with ribs, and I was invited to join. I have the best landlady ever, no contest.

Best ribs ever. This is how barbeque sauce is supposed to taste like. This is how pork ribs are supposed to taste like. Amazing.

The family dog, Ramper. He's adorable.

Dinner. Ribs and wonderfully tasty salad. After years of only having Thousand Island sauce I only just realized how wonderful salad can taste. My landlady makes the best salads!! It even has cheeeeese!

I FOUND A MAGGI CUP.

Home made Oreo-cheesecake.

I really enjoyed my time with this white American family with food and drink talking about musicals and history and stories. It warmed my heart to see such a diverse family being together and genuinely enjoying. The joking, the smiles, the happy comments. It made me almost not want to leave.

It's a very good positive image to be exposed to. To learn that yes this family is possible. To accept that and care for people in a way that doesn't make either party want to strangle each other. No dirty looks or snide remarks.

To just hold hands and love.

I want a family like that. And I'll work towards that as hard as I can.

What Facebook Does

To be honest, I'm not exactly having the time of my life here. I'm struggling to make friends, to be a part of the community, to be noticed. Most of the time I'd rather just stay at home and watch Once Upon A Time (a post for next time, or Tumblr).

So naturally I scroll Facebook. And I see my friends- they're all so popular now, so pretty, so grown up. They've made friends and families and memories. They dress so well and look so good.

In my room, on this chair where the springs dig into my thigh, I feel so left out. I haven't felt pretty in so long... My skin is dry and not for the lack of lotion I slather on daily. My cheeks have been sunburnt without being noticed and I'm pretty sure I was never so hairy. I try to take selfies on days when I don't feel like a complete waste of atoms but I always delete them. I try to dress up but I'm never good enough. I try to make the best decisions but I never know if they are. I feel frustrated and unhappy and it's never a good thing to have.

Then I remind myself that I don't have to be miserable. Because I have friends, and family. They may not be with me now but they're there for me. I have the love of my life, the one person who keeps me going every day. The one person who keeps my spirit up with kind words and adorable pictures. And I realize I don't have to take unnaturally pretty selfies for the world- I just need to take selfies for that one person- to show him my smiles and stupid faces, because he likes those best.

Tomorrow morning, I'll dress up and feel pretty. And even if I don't, I'll enjoy myself.

Moving House

So I'll be leaving the I-House soon. Moving into a house, where I have my own room. An adorable old dog, a sweet landlady, and a nice big backyard with lemons and tomatoes and all the good stuff!

Her daughters left a bunch of flowers in my room... Such a sweet gesture!

I do appreciate the hustle and bustle of the International House... It was a great place, with fun people and something to look forward to. Yet I find that being unused to a dorm simply means being unused to a dorm.

I'm not uncomfortable. Yet I'm not comfortable. There is a need to always watch out for other people... and just because you are considerate doesn't mean other people are.

(This, and also the indignity of my food disappearing.)

My new room is much bigger, with cool air and lots- lots- of storage space. I can't say I dislike it at all! I've only been here a couple of times but I'm settling in really really well.

A full length mirror so I can #ootd unashamedly... With good lighting too!

Oh, nostalgia! I miss home, the markings on the dining room pillar and wall... My ugly drawings and little notes, "You've grown taller!" that stopped sometime around '12... (sigh)

This small window faces the bed and lets in a whole lot of light and a whole lot of air. #fengshui

A house to live in... A room in a house is better than half a room in a mansion. (Unless, of course, it's my mansion uhuhuhu.)

Time to settle in!

American Food Post #2: The Good Stuff!

Of course American food isn't limited only to pizza and burgers. I've been eating a lot more yoghurt for one, because they have a large variety of greek yoghurt with all sorts of good stuff. And frozen yoghurt, oh so good. 

So much better than Tutti Frutti, and so much cheaper, even after the exchange rate. Yum!

This Mixim yoghurt really cheered me up a whole lot, though. It was on sale for like $1 or something so I bought a couple and mmmm I am surprised. Being used to the whole Malaysian standard of "discounted food" I wasn't expecting anything good (I was expecting it to be terrible, at least) but I am surprised.

The kid in me had so much fun mixing the raspberry jam with the surprisingly flavorful chocolate bits. It's safe to say that this will be one of the more well-stocked desserts I'll have lying around. ˚₊*(ˊॢo̶̶̷̤◡ुo̴̶̷̤ˋॢ)*₊˚⁎

Then today I popped by 7-11 to see if they had anything for sale. I came across this wonderful creation called the Oreo ice-cream...

And it was so good. It wasn't too sweet, wasn't too overwhelming, and it was just soft enough to chew but didn't melt. In a nutshell: Amazing.

The cookie coating was firm didn't crumble much, the soft ice-cream on the inside was chewy. How is it possible??

Even though it's a little on the pricey side, I don't think I'll be able to resist an Oreo bar after a nice filling bagel...

It's a good thing my new place has a weighing scale... Really have to keep the pounds off this Asian frame! (●´⌓`●)

The Many Thoughts about Food

So before I came, and even after, many of my musings and wonder consisted of food.

Now, even more so.

I still can't get over American portions. Take a look.

This pizza is 10", about a medium size in Malaysian standards I think. It cost a little over $5, and fed me for three meals. #sogood I love this place, they have the best pizzas and it always has it's own personal touch. xD Also, chilli flakes. #YES

When do you ever need a big onion bigger than my hand? This wasn't even the biggest one in the pile. It's the one I decided to buy. I've currently used half to cook twice, and that half was enough for 5 meals. I've wrapped it in air-tight plastic, and I scorn at the onions in the shared fridge that are exposed completely... for weeks. Someone's going to have a fun time in the toilet.

There's also an issue of not being able to get milk under a galleon (a little under 2 liters). The only half-galleon milk I could find was lactose-free, for the lactose intolerant. I understand now why Leonard can eat cereal despite his lactose intolerance.

Everything here is in suitably sharing-sizes... so do come soon, please?

I found this cute thing for under $2 but my roommate chided me and said no. :( She's just mean. How can you not want to eat How to Train Your Dragon 2-shaped mac n' cheese??? But she made me put it back. Don't worry I shall buy you next time!

This was found in the nearby 7-11... They basically sell beef jerkies in boxes and you can pick and choose your own. Kind of like how we sell our preserved fruit! Now that I'm seeing it, however, I'm starting to get a little bit hungry...

Egg, cheese and bacon... YUM! Breakfast in a bagel but it's so, so good! I've only ever tried the bagels in SS15 once, but blegh. THESE bagels are the reason why I can have them for breakfast everyday! And the best thing is, it's not even too much!

Today's lunch (and possibly dinner) is pasta with leftover roasted chicken from the noodle place last night. See? Another meal. Add some mushrooms (which I had to use up anyway) and yellow onion, season with a bit of soy sauce and black pepper, and there we go, yummy awesome food! I honestly love how much my culinary skills have improved after browsing many, many, many, many recipes... There's a pattern to cooking, and once you understand that pattern it's not hard to cook at all. Yes! Looking forward to cooking more and experimenting with stews, my next trial.

These pretzel m&m's actually don't taste all that different from the blue wafer ones we get in M'sia, cept a tad bit softer and saltier. It's not really my thing, it's quite heavy on the tastebuds... Then again so much of American food is!

I had fun with my roommate & friends doing exceptionally girly things. I've never really the experience of doing so 'just for fun' like how you see in American teen movies. The only sleepover experience I've had included movie marathons, cup noodles, and canned mocha. Nail polish and makeup? New territory. Also they may be right, I may be a bit of nail polish fanatic. (I insist I am not, still do.)

A major update! This baby is going to make my life so much easier. Her name is Buttermilk, and she is gorgeous. No more lazy grocery trips, no more 40 minute 10-block walks!

A shot of Saints Peter and Paul Church in Washington Square Park, San Franciso to end. It's beautiful and lying in the grass really is such an American thing to do, but I definitely see the appeal in it. It'd be great for bare-foot sports, general running around and mischievousness.

I think I'm doing alright!

Stay In My Room... Forever.

Back in Malaysia I wouldn't have understood why people choose to stay in their rooms all the time- things I read on Tumblr, I couldn't relate to. For me, I needed to be with people, with friends.

I now know why. I can relate; I am very much hoping to stay in my room forever- at least I feel that way right now. I don't know where to go; I don't know who to call; I don't know what to say, what to think, what to...

Perhaps I'm still trying to recover from walking San Francisco for the whole day... I'm unsure. But right now I am simply wishing to be alone; or at least with comfortable company...

Being on edge is taking a toll on me; I dread people, I dread interaction- this may be the introverted side of me coming out in full form in this highly extroverted culture; but I simply don't want to do anything.

I'm hoping next week changes some things. Perhaps I can meet some new people, join some clubs, see new stuff, expose myself a little more.

I'm not very hopeful right now, but I'm not completely frustrated.

I just wish you were here.

Morning Sun

I am unsure whether or not this is due to jet lag, but regardless it is very strange that I wake up at 7 everyday now. Sleep at 9 (I managed to stay up to 9 without a nap yesterday) and wake up at 7 calls for a 10-hour-sleep... At least I'm sure people will tell me it's a healthy change and what not.

Mornings here are so very beautiful- actually, mornings back home are too. That golden hour at 10 when the sun is warm and shines with a golden tint... I sort of miss mornings back home. Then again if I were home I wouldn't see much of it.

My room with a view.

I used to (try) to sleep before midnight (and failing, usually) and wake up to my 9 o'clock alarm... then snooze it to wake up at 10. Haha! It sure is a great change for me to have sleeping patterns like this... I don't think I've ever slept so early, except possibly primary school.

I'm not complaining! We all know the benefits of sleeping early, so hello good skin and healthy bowel movements! Also, I get to use the bathroom while everyone else is still sleeping! I just hope I can keep this up even when I have classes.

Glad to report that I have been super responsible for myself this week... Tidying up, making my bed, cooking and cleaning, vacuuming... I think I can handle this staying by myself thing... Yeah. I'll make it through! :)

Pepperoni pretzels, mmmhph, so so good!

How does the same thing taste so much better here??

DARK CHOCOLATE CHEERIOS NOT EVEN KIDDING

Home made mushroom omelette tortillas! + bacon bits! :D