Sparks

I love how you're my motivation

and when you smile I hit the ground

and when you kiss me gently I melt

and I end up thinking of all the things I never thought I would.

.

I love how I try my best

and I won't even get tired

because at the end I know

it's worth it; you're worth it.

.

I love how we hold hands

hold pinkies hold hearts

and the silence is nothing

but warm and comfortable

.

I didn't fight so hard

fight my self my mind my life

if I didn't hope for this

and it's so much better.

.

I think I want to keep you.

KH:3D and Other Things

Ah well. The curtain lifted on the issue with the Boyfriend... That's a good thing. Though what first made me worry... I thought we had set ground rules. == Apparently someone forgot them. Sigh. It's quite confusing, really. :\ Although this shouldn't be a problem...? I guess kinks would happen every now and then, it's quite unavoidable. Fortunately they can be worked out. C:

I'm blogging now because I foresee two weeks or so of my head in my 3DS because I managed to get my hands on KH:3D!!!!! Thank you so much, Brandon! I owe you a huge one!!! >w<

Poetry is coming to an end now... I'm just glad I managed to breakthrough somewhat. Instead of "tightly controlled, shallow" work I suppose I'm hitting on something a little closer to home? Obviously zombies don't work. xD

Film class worries me though. :( It's quite sad to see Mr Rey angry in every other class because no one at the back would speak up! People! TALK! As he's said, it's not a good habit of Malaysians to sit still and be passive! It's a horrendous habit! Stop it! I want to answer his questions, but then I wait for you guys to answer because he doesn't want answers from me anymore. == It's not that hard. His questions are easy! They're not textbooks answers, it's logic, it's the things he's mentioned in class, again and again. Or maybe that's why you guys find it hard? Because answers can't be found on a textbook?

Mood swings have taken hold of me. That's not a good sign. It annoys me that I'm silently furious half the time now. I hate this. This is why I didn't want to break that comfort zone I had, because now I have to deal with all these shit. //rage

But then again. I guess I have to thank Ms Bernice for making me break that comfort zone... :\ I'll work it out.

BRAIN FUZZ

You know that odd feeling when you brain kind of just floats around in your skull, all fuzzy and weird? Yeah that. I like to call it brain fuzz. Granted I've only just dubbed it, but yes I will refer to it as brain fuzz from now on.

Brain fuzz for at least like a day fuck.

Tried to take naps in between today but then people got in the way. But since I'm me, people > sleep so yeah, still brain fuzzed.

(Pretty sure this blog post will make no sense haha)

Have I mentioned how much Creative Writing has changed my life? Because. Because it has. If you still haven't gotten a proper idea, Creative Writing flipped my life upside down.

Actually I quite like the view from the ceiling.

I find myself walking down this road that I've never dared to walk before. Horror stories. Bad things happening. It's like I'm walking into a dark cave, or that crack in the wall in the middle of town which no one ever talks of except to warn me away from it but people still go in. Then come out, different.

It is weird. This imagery in my head. I want to write it out or draw it out or something, but brain fuzz and sleep and 8am morning call.

When I think back on the past month... No, six months... I am surprised at how much I grew up. I am also surprised at how much I don't want to grow up. No wait that's not right. How much my family don't see growing up as a good thing. Understandable. They haven't grown up.

I don't dare to say I've suddenly aged and become "adult". No, I think I've still got some ways to go. But I do agree that I am innocent and naive. Was, once. Now, less. Still am, probably.

I'm not saying that we must discard all innocence and naivety to grow up. But at least we need to learn that which is not innocent. That which is corrupt and decadent and vulgar, because only when we learn this can we make full judgement. I have no idea what I'm talking about. But writing this at 1am with brain fuzz, I believe this might just make it into my material for ENGL210.

Sometimes. I wonder about hypocrisy. I'm a huge hypocrite, I know. But now I see people differently. She used to be the perfect vision of lawful good. Now I see a hypocrite and scared woman. Suddenly life just... sucks. I've lost my wiling suspension of disbelief for the golden screen. Now I'm looking into her eyes and just thinking that she's been through too much. I suppose her blanket of innocence is the only thing keeping her from cracking. She's just a young child who was thrown into the lion pits. She survived, but only because she shut herself away from the lions. In mind. Just like him.

They both shut themselves up and sealed it with angry words and delirious accusations. Her in her innocence and him in his corruption.

When you think about it, it's sad.

I'd like to think more about it but my brain is fuzzed. I can't write shit for gold now. Verbal vomit indeed.

I wonder what more I'd see after the cage is unlocked. What world awaits me.

I wonder if I'll continue down the road.

I'm Supposed To Be Writing Poems

In direct contrast to my previous post which my Other Father Andy has so gleefully... shared... a few weeks back... I suppose I can say that everything now has changed... greatly.

Well.

My month of depressingly pathetic Facebook statuses and whiney complaints is finally over, and I am still quite embarrassed to believe I actually wrote and posted stuff that seems like it came out from a bad, cliched chick flick/shojo manga/romance novel.

It sort of makes me shrivel up on the inside while banging my head on a hard surface repeatedly. But it's an important step I took, I guess, so I'll keep it just to remind myself of all the shit I went through. And to remind the Boyfriend as well.

Shockingly enough, I am not single anymore. It was super weird thinking that last week, but I think I'm a little more used to it now. Hahaha.

(I'm starting to think I should private my blog now, SO YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO STALK ME, ANDY.)

Skipping to a completely different topic, I absolutely adore Creative Writing because it is fabulous and wonderful. I feel like a different person altogether after taking that class. I think I grew up quite a lot these few weeks, and understood myself a lot better. I think crying over yourself makes you do that. Understand yourself. Then you cry. Then you understand yourself. Again the cycle repeats.

It's a little past 1am and I'm supposed to be writing poems. I love poems, they're just so precious. Hard to understand at times, but precious nonetheless. That being said I dread letting other people review them, despite how much I enjoy writing them.

Just because I like writing does not mean I particularly enjoy people reading my shit unless I intend for them to read it. Most of the times I don't. Other times I write fan fiction. HAHAHAHA.

Listening to music was supposed to get my creative juice flowing and my writing gear kick in. I suppose it did, only it kicked into the wrong gear. LOL. Poems! Instead I'm blogging, (which was sorely in need of an update, true) while Roxas' theme plays in the background.

I want to sleep.