BRAIN FUZZ

You know that odd feeling when you brain kind of just floats around in your skull, all fuzzy and weird? Yeah that. I like to call it brain fuzz. Granted I've only just dubbed it, but yes I will refer to it as brain fuzz from now on.

Brain fuzz for at least like a day fuck.

Tried to take naps in between today but then people got in the way. But since I'm me, people > sleep so yeah, still brain fuzzed.

(Pretty sure this blog post will make no sense haha)

Have I mentioned how much Creative Writing has changed my life? Because. Because it has. If you still haven't gotten a proper idea, Creative Writing flipped my life upside down.

Actually I quite like the view from the ceiling.

I find myself walking down this road that I've never dared to walk before. Horror stories. Bad things happening. It's like I'm walking into a dark cave, or that crack in the wall in the middle of town which no one ever talks of except to warn me away from it but people still go in. Then come out, different.

It is weird. This imagery in my head. I want to write it out or draw it out or something, but brain fuzz and sleep and 8am morning call.

When I think back on the past month... No, six months... I am surprised at how much I grew up. I am also surprised at how much I don't want to grow up. No wait that's not right. How much my family don't see growing up as a good thing. Understandable. They haven't grown up.

I don't dare to say I've suddenly aged and become "adult". No, I think I've still got some ways to go. But I do agree that I am innocent and naive. Was, once. Now, less. Still am, probably.

I'm not saying that we must discard all innocence and naivety to grow up. But at least we need to learn that which is not innocent. That which is corrupt and decadent and vulgar, because only when we learn this can we make full judgement. I have no idea what I'm talking about. But writing this at 1am with brain fuzz, I believe this might just make it into my material for ENGL210.

Sometimes. I wonder about hypocrisy. I'm a huge hypocrite, I know. But now I see people differently. She used to be the perfect vision of lawful good. Now I see a hypocrite and scared woman. Suddenly life just... sucks. I've lost my wiling suspension of disbelief for the golden screen. Now I'm looking into her eyes and just thinking that she's been through too much. I suppose her blanket of innocence is the only thing keeping her from cracking. She's just a young child who was thrown into the lion pits. She survived, but only because she shut herself away from the lions. In mind. Just like him.

They both shut themselves up and sealed it with angry words and delirious accusations. Her in her innocence and him in his corruption.

When you think about it, it's sad.

I'd like to think more about it but my brain is fuzzed. I can't write shit for gold now. Verbal vomit indeed.

I wonder what more I'd see after the cage is unlocked. What world awaits me.

I wonder if I'll continue down the road.