Acts

Ah. Double post, within two hours? When I blog I guess it's usually something that's really eating me.

Then I have make many posts about it because I'm vague and uncertain like a prophesier.

It troubling for me to go through this load of emotional bullshit again at this time. I really can't afford it. Studies are pressing on me, undone ETs eat at the back of mind, friendships start to fray at the end and relationships seem so much more murky now.

I guess I've reverted back to when I viewed the world with layered glasses. Meaningful layer after layer like the peels of an onion. Trying to peel each layer off just makes you cry so you just look at it with its skin on. The skin doesn't make you tear up, but the others will.

Quite sad, really, how the rose-tinted ones broke with the slap across my face. At least I've had them for a month, maybe more. I did quite enjoy myself greatly seeing things in shades of grandeur and optimism.

As usual I turn to One Republic. Others have their Radiohead and Skrillex and Metallica, I play safe with OneRepublic because they mend my soul with lyrics and words and beautiful songs.

Beautiful. Now that word has got a heavier meaning attached to it and I'm not sure what to feel about it. Certainly I appreciate the gesture greatly.

I wonder if I'm being fair to the people around me, but then again, it's not like I have a choice, right? I'm not selfless and all-loving. I care about others, but what use is that if I can't love myself first? Obviously self-hate is not helping me in any way here. Now is not the time to ponder upon the great dislike I have of myself. Lets save it for another rainy day.