This is horrible. I'm so full of negativity. I feel awful. Worst of all I can't sleep.

I can't sleep thinking of all the things I need to do when I wake up. Last sem is starting; it really is the beginning of the end.

Should I take calculus? Do I have enough credits to transfer? Can I even? Where to? How?

I'm scared; I don't want to leave this second home. I'm scared; I don't want to be stuck here forever. 

Lies lies lies lies

Stop lying to myself. 

Golden Palm Tree Resort Weekend Trip!

Finally we had our long awaited weekend at the Golden Palm Tree Resort! Their villas were much more relaxing than I expected, and I absolutely loved their interior designing. Matching white with wooden furniture made the whole place look so breezy and refreshing!

The balcony was rather spacious, leading to a view of the other braches of villas and a nice wide view of the sea and the beach some distance away. The sea wasn't at all deep- we could see translucent, odd fish swimming below out villas; in fact the next day when it was low-tide the water was all drained away, leaving the brown firm mud-bed out to the sun. Surprisingly there was no muddy smell of swamp.

The balcony had a set of rattan table and chairs that was great for 

stoning at night listening to sea breeze.

You could see the sea from your shower stall- if you 

don't mind the fish looking at you while you bathe!

The resort had bicycles that guests could freely use- though it was incredibly hard to be able to get any since many people tend to keep those bikes in their villas, though you weren't supposed to. My cousins had a great time riding them in circles whenever they managed to find an unoccupied one. It's a brilliant idea, if people had the decency to leave those bikes back at the bicycle racks for other people to use and not hoard it for themselves...!!!

After checking out the villa, we went out to the extreme park where they offered paintball, all-terrain vehicle rides, archery and of course, the go-kart.

Obviously, I finished last, because I'm a safe driver like that.

It was relatively fun, (if you're not the one paying for it lol) and then after that we went for a dip in the pool back at the resort.

The pool opened up to an unobstructed view of the sea, so it was as though you could fool yourself into thinking you're in the sea, which is actually really cool.

We chilled for a bit then went out for dinner. We were lucky to find a Chinese restaurant, the seafood was really good!

After dinner we went back to the resort where they had a live band playing at the poolside. Music was playing, and the stars were out. The sea breeze was cooling and the night was spent relaxing.

We woke up in time to make the buffet breakfast, which is typical hotel food. Lunch outside after we checked out, however, made up for the lack of good food. I have a biased view that small towns always have better food, and I was not disappointed. Pretty much had the best curry laksa with its own taste, paired with gloriously refreshing longan drink.

My uncle looking gorgeous in a sun hat.

I finally got my red dragon fruit drink after so long of wanting it! It's locally produced, and they don't skimp on real fruit. I recommend to shake the bottle before drinking otherwise by the time you get to the bottom all you get is pulp, not juice.

We dropped by the beach first, because what's the point of going so far to the sea without having fun on a beach? It was low tide when we got there, so we walked quite a distance into the seabed. We chased the little red crabs scuttling about- they were about the equivalent of the ants of the land, I suppose. There were swarms of them, a shimmering carpet of red on the sea bed.

It felt good to just spend the weekend totally relaxed! Can't wait to come back here again!

Roasted coffee fruits!

Holiday Laziness

Yes I've promised to blog more often; but I've been having the sort of holiday that's packed enough to deter blogging, but not enough to be exhausting. A relatively nice balance, actually.

I've got entries for weekend trips and food reviews lined up... I just have to finish writing them up lol. They'll be up soon... I hope. 

In the meantime here have a sneak peek. 

Sparks

I love how you're my motivation

and when you smile I hit the ground

and when you kiss me gently I melt

and I end up thinking of all the things I never thought I would.

.

I love how I try my best

and I won't even get tired

because at the end I know

it's worth it; you're worth it.

.

I love how we hold hands

hold pinkies hold hearts

and the silence is nothing

but warm and comfortable

.

I didn't fight so hard

fight my self my mind my life

if I didn't hope for this

and it's so much better.

.

I think I want to keep you.

SEMESTER BREAK AGAIN, FINALLY

I don't know how on earth I did it, but I survived Death Week. I might not have gotten a lot of sleep, and I have ugly stress-pimples on the side of my face now but Death Week is O.V.E.R. and I have 3 weeks of break to look forward to now!!

All I'm going to do is
1. sleep
2. eat
3. read
4. blog

with smatterings of DIY crafts, writing, cycling and other stuff I'm too tired to think of and lacking motivation to do.

I'm hoping to whatever higher power that I get relatively good grades this semester considering the amount of shit I went through, because if I don't I will be sorely disappointed at myself and I doubt I can handle next semester's subjects very well.

Also, ALISON TAN. YOU ENJOY YOURSELF IN AMERICA OKAY. OMG GIRL. YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST. *cries*

Thank you for being a brilliant best friend, love all the silly things we've done. :)

We'll be fated to meet each other again, don't you worry!

Looking forward to all my socializing later this week! (⊙‿⊙✿)

It's Okay To Be Angry.

Sometime last week I found this on Taylor's Confession page... And judging by how often we hang out at SLC and how many other couples give foot massages (read: none) I have no doubt it was directed at le petit ami.

Friends kept telling me that my anger was unnecessary and that it shows how insecure I am in my relationship. That I need to trust him, and just take a chill pill.

Let me get things straight: I am not insecure that le petit ami will run off with some other girl, because thinking that is not only far-fetched, it is an insult to him. I am, however, angry that some girls think it is okay to think of other people's boyfriends this way.

First let me address something rather alarming at the response I get: why do people say I shouldn't get angry? In fact, what is there to not get angry about? I feel violated at this statement. I feel violated on behalf of  le petit ami as well. To make it easier to digest my analysis, this confession has the following:

1. Acknowledgement of a public relationship between two people
2. Subsequent disregard of the girlfriend
3. Replacement of self into the role of the girlfriend
4. Assumption that my boyfriend would heed his/her offer of sex without love and commitment

Is my anger clear now? On all levels this person has disrespected both of us and our relationship together. A relationship that, mind you, has been smooth sailing and high flying for close to a year.

In this case I again strongly enforce that it is not wrong to be angry for the right reasons. Someone disrespecting you/your partner/your relationship IS a right reason.

Yes, this person is just saying stuff on the Internet, where bullshit can be said with no consequences, yes s/he shouldn't be a threat to our relationship if we're strong enough, yes I should trust my boyfriend... but while I do all this why am I told be chill? Why can't I be angry to defend myself?

Which brings me to secondly: the dignity of such a person. How on earth do you disrespect someone else's relationship like that? How much disrespect do you have towards yourself to offer your body in exchange for such a service, with someone you don't know and don't love? You're like a cashless version of a prostitute: I don't think I missed the mark when I name you 'bitch'. There is a great deal of hate for the third party in relationships meant for two, and there is a reason why: they don't deserve any respect, because they don't have any, for themselves or for others.

Le petit ami and I discussed the possibility of the person maybe just admiring our relationship and how well I'm treated. But I'm sensitive to words. I know this person isn't coming from the point of admiration, but selfish want. The want to have someone treat him/her like that. Look, if you want a great boyfriend, firstly be the sort of person that matches up to a great person.

For context: a great boyfriend won't cheat. If you can get a boyfriend by being the third wheel (and eventually kicking out the previous girlfriend and becoming the second), what stops the boyfriend from doing the same to you? Dumping your sorry ass for another third wheel? And so obviously he's not a great boyfriend. In short, don't do this third wheel shit because karma will come back and fuck you up.

So will the previous girlfriend, she'd probably key your car and bust his tyres, just sayin'.

It all boils down to respect: respect others, and they'll respect you too.

(Ps. There has been two other confessions about how cute le petit ami is and I wholly agree with those because of the lack of malicious motives behind such confessions. I don't get angry for nothing.)

Prom Night

What a prom. What a prom.

Sure prom is overrated and silly, but it was still an amazing night. Probably one I'll never forget.

It saddens me how the aptly named theme Bittersweet struck a chord. The thought that after prom, we're all going to be leaving to different places. Ali and Leanne won't be in Taylor's to hang out with anymore... No more lunch sessions or girl talk or dirty little secrets.

Le petit ami dressed incredibly for the night. <3 I'm so proud of him! Whoever knew the guy with the hobo pants and sad house shirts could clean up to be the best gentleman in town? Because that's exactly what he is, a proper gentleman through and through. And I'm so happy to be his lady. His princess.

It was such a sight! Dazzling lights and pretty girls all dolled up in great gowns; guys in suits with ties and bowties and slicked-back hair; the chattering of friends over dinner and poses and cameras on record.

A red carpet laid down to make us feel like we were more important than we really were, the food were all gone astonishingly fast, and the ever-flowing of fruit punch sweetened words and moods.

I'm just really glad how everything came out... That short moment on the dance floor with you was incredible. I felt like we could take the world by its reins and pull time to a stop. That we could go blazing down the red carpet and set it on fire. That we could do anything we wanted if we set our minds to it.

Thank you so much for a wonderful memory... And I'm thankful to be in ADP. :)

(Picture credits to Leon Yap)