Trigonometry, My Nightmare Since 5ever.

It is my firm belief that trigonometry has ventured into the theoretical part of math, unlike traditional views of math- and I hate it. It's horrid. It baffles me. If you give me algebra, or stuff an equation with unknowns- yes that makes sense. It's understandable; x, y, π. Formulas. Cold, hard, logical mathematics. Give me graphs. Even differentiation and integration is easier to understand.

I'll be the first to say I'm intimidated by versatile mathematics.

Even though I manage to do the questions, I do not get any sort of happiness from them. I do, however, get some sort of morbid satisfaction from successfully solving a remarkably tedious question. The same sort of satisfaction comparable to getting a prick out of your hand, popping a particularly painful pimple, or throwing away food you don't like that has turned sour.

And when I don't solve the question, I feel frustrated, dumb, and incompetent. As though my self worth stems from how well I can solve math problems.

This is probably the one problem that comes from Asian parents and society's mindset. That if you don't know how solve complicated math you are considered subpar. That somehow you're just not as smart. If you don't get an A+ in math you're not a 'proper' Asian.

Don't even get me started on failing Calculus 1. Not 2, not 3. Just Calculus 1. I can foresee the shitstorm that's going to rise up anytime soon.

Granted, yes, Calculus 1 isn't hard. But I don't do math like I used to.

Sorry for being stupid.

Another Semester Break

I finished my Philosophy paper just this morning, and I'm currently "on sem break" for two weeks. But of course my sem breaks are never enough. I always find something to do.

This marks the end of yet another semester. My fourth semester in ADP. I have two more semesters to go. A little more than half a year.

Time flies so quickly. Without notice it's already May, and I'm starting to panic.

Because I'm running out of time.

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The many things I have planned to do have not been done. The many things I am working on is left alone. The many things I wish I could do...

Dreams and hopes and silent nights. My tired mind runs lethargically through confused thoughts and spastic colors.

Perhaps it's too late into the night right now. I'm running on not-enough-sleep and cheap coffee that wore off a little after noon. Maybe that's why my vision is swirling and my mind feels cottony.

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Tomorrow will be the first day in a long time that I can look forward to. Just a simple Saturday that I can spend with the people that matter. A morning of tender hearts and an afternoon of the best kind of friendship.

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My eyes are closing on themselves, I can feel my consciousness fade within me. Even typing this post is so hard...

Tits, Be Calm

I think I'm getting sick. Mostly because I've been agitated the whole day and secondly because I'm feeling warm all over. Then again that could be because of that smoking hot performance by Leanne just now. WHICH DID NOT, BY THE WAY, TURN ME ON, DADDY! I was just appreciating the performance!

I don't know what I'm feeling now, it's all messed up. All I know is that I'm tired but awake, which, knowing me, is a pretty potent combination.

I want to go to a club somewhere and dance till I drop dead asleep back into my bed.

Didn't talk to Le petit ami for the whole day. I think that's a first since we started. Can't reach the idiot, then again, I didn't try. I don't know what to say anymore.

Accusatory messages are best to never be written, because I 1) accusatory, and 2) see point one.

Other than the usual confused hormonal teenager whines, I received an 8/8 for both my recently submitted ETs, one which Mr Rey said was 'excellent' and another he said 'see me.' Should this be a time to rejoice? Either way I've got two more to write in 24 hours and I'm pretty much screwed, yeah. Well then damn. :\

I'm getting fat- and I'm definitely feeling fat. Good food all around. ;_; HNGHHHH. I'm broke and desperate to be in shape for Comic Fiesta, stop it!!

Oh Look! MIDNIGHT!

Leaving to Penang in approximately 17 hours and a half. I'm really quite excited about the literary festival with the Creative Writing class, it'll be a blast! My mom bought a box of Snickers for me as well, how nice! :D I am reminded of Forest Gump, which reminds me of Bubba Gump, which reminds me of yesterday's fish... Ugh.

However I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. This would be the fourth week (in a month, in a row!!) that I wouldn't be able to spend my weekend properly. As in, relaxing. == sigh. Why am I doing this to myself. :(

It's been such a busy month for me. Never having time to do stuff or hang out or just get some quiet time. Nope, no can do. Rushing here and there for assignments, group discussions, lunches... Many times I'm tempted to just curl up by the lake on the grass under the shade and sleep. Just close my eyes and drift away.

But that's like something out of a movie and it's not happening, so I deal with being busy and moaning about being busy. ;_;

And having said that, I've not been able to spend much time with Le petit ami as well the whole month. Went for dinner yesterday, which was great tho the food was quite a let down, and just enjoyed each other's company. I missed those days where we just sit together and talk about everything. :) I wish I had a little more energy tho. >_<

Midnight and I haven't finished packing for Penang yet. Oh dear. Ohhhh dear. :(