Positive Start, and Onwards...

So I just want to say that I have a job now. A steady, entry-level job that will get me by when I feel like eating out and things like that.

It's a strange idea to get used to. It's another responsibility added to my plate. This year I've just been piling my plate like I'm at a buffet, assuring myself that "I'm fine, I can still eat." I wonder if I know when I've bitten off more than I can chew.

Days are dragging by slowly. Torturously, even. It's probably because I've filled my schedule but also spaced out my time (good time management, see) so I always have breathing room but all the breathing room is just making me check my phone every 20 minutes because why won't the days go by faster.

It's Valentine's Day, and when everyone else is celebrating, people in long distance relationships have it even worse than people who shout about being forever alone. It's so much worse when you actually do have someone... but you just can't be together.

Regardless, I honestly thought I would enjoy my four day weekend more... yet these past days I've just been stressing about a research essay and homework assignment that I simply don't have the motivation to do. I want to do it. And I don't want to either.

In one blog post I've ranted about responsibilities, long distance relationships, and procrastination. Hey, at least I'm doing something.

I'm just so impatient right now. The stupid weather is being hot and cold, and I'm coughing my lungs out, and I just really want to wear shorts again.

I'm going to die in the heat and humidity when I go back to Malaysia in the summer.

In Limbo

I've been putting off going to America for much too long, and it frustrates me.

On one hand I'm so reluctant to leave my home, my friends, my life here in Malaysia... On the other I'm so excited, so desperate to want to explore and be amazed.

I've met some problems with my application, which set me back another half a year. And in this free time when I step out a little to experience with my internship, I realize I'm not young enough to hide behind a silly reason for not being useful or responsible anymore.

I'm 20 years old with nothing to my name, with plans long-discarded or abandoned.

The same friends who used to look to me enviously because I'm granted the gift to study abroad have already experienced their first years in another country, being scared and overcoming their fears. They've grown up, matured somewhat, and gained a fraction of independence.

At the same time I sit at home and scroll the depths of the interwebs, aching for such a day.

I know it won't be easy- then again nothing ever is, and an object at rest stays at rest- but do I ever want to be part of the buzzing, vigorous life. Creating magic and filling the world with saturated youth and blind optimism because I can, because I want to, because I believe so.

I want to go out and explore, fly away and find new things, open my eyes to controversy, think scandalous thoughts and write about things that inspire, disgust, interest, horrify me all with enthusiasm only the young can generate.

Except I don't want to end when I'm not-young, I want to end when I'm not-remembered (which implies that I will not die in traditional silly means like body decay) and when no one knows my name anymore.

Of course all this is nothing but wishful thinking, because we all think we can change the world.

Now I just need to get up and do something about it.

Sweat and Heat and Determination

It's GE13; the day everyone has been waiting for. Or at least, Malaysians. Weeks of hard work and incredible passion. Tonight we know the results.

In the past months since the dissolution of our government and the beginnings of the campaign we have been bombarded with flags, banners and advertisements. Even the most ignorant of people cannot possibly miss it. And it is also at this time that we see the true colors of each party - in their way of campaigning we see what they would be doing to our country.

I strongly disagree with the dirty tactics BN is using. I say dirty with no bias because they are simply just dirty.

Keep in mind that UMNO right now holds no true power under the name of the law since they are not the ruling party. Najib is no longer our Prime Minister. I could possibly write more if I took Political Science.

What I can see, however, is how BN spends too much of taxpayer's money on banners and flags to advertise themselves. Not only that but all they are is full of empty promises. "KITA JANJI", they say. We don't want your JANJIs, where is the result? BN has been in the seat of power for 56 years, fattening their personal pockets and gone delirious with power. Your power wasn't God's Allah's gift to you. Malaysians have always been afraid and oppressed by the government. We don't dare to stand up for ourselves, instead relying on the government who spoon-feeds us sugar and lies while they keep us locked up in a baby's cot.

Najib understands the impacts of the Internet. His face was across the home page of Youtube. In Google if you search for "Malaysia GE 13 campaigns" only pictures of the blue scales come up. There is not a peep from the People's Coalition. Not surprising considering how the "government" is forcing the media up against the wall. Malaysia never was a country of freedom of the press in the first place. But the one thing he did wrong was to underestimate the younger generation. He underestimated how fast social media can spread and how most of us really aren't that ignorant anymore.

I'm more angry at how these scumbags hoodwinked the rakyat with their lies and left the rakyat unable to do anything but complain. They use the country's money like it's their own, wasting it on god-awful binoculars or submarines; giving cows luxury condominiums to live in; Rosmah's ridiculously gaudy ring as well as her myriad of expensive luxury items; and the list doesn't stop there. To pull the topic back to GE13, where did UMNO get the funding for their excessive advertising? The flag wars all over the country irritate me. It's a blatant misuse of funds, a waste of resources and it's actually a hazard on the road as the flags have a habit of falling out of place onto the roads after storms. Which isn't all that uncommon in Malaysia by the way!!

This is "probably" too much.

This is too much.

They even go as far as to "threaten" the people with unrest and promises of riots if they lose. Another 5 years of such defeatist attitudes? Please.

News of UMNO supporters causing problems and even going as far as to start a brawl in Ipoh with the Pakatan Rakyat supporters was shocking enough. UMNO is now employing gangsters to do their dirty work for them as well! Well I guess we now know where the Mat Rempits are when they're not busy endangering the lives of other people.

Yet this morning as I stood in line with my sister to vote, I was empowered to see so many people show up. At such an early hour people were lining up patiently, waiting to cast their votes and create history. It was an empowering moment, to know that I was involved with the movement.

My happiness was short-lived however. The inedible ink that was supposedly used to make sure of no repeat voters washed off with a dab of dishwash liquid.

This is also reportedly because the ingredients were changed to comply as halal. In that case what was the point of the ink? Again the ridiculous billions of Ringgit put into purchasing the ink for its close to uselessness is worthy of a rant itself.

And then in the afternoon the shitstorm hit the proverbial ceiling fan. Floods of reports of Bangladeshis being chased out of voting halls into the waitings arms of the police (who ultimately let them go again) and videos of them being abused exploded throughout social media. Do Malaysians not see that they are not the ones in the wrong? They don't know any better. Even then they are still human. If we stoop so low as to abuse them, whether verbally or physically, it doesn't make us look any better.

That's not where the dirty tricks end though. In the voting itself there seems to have been some serious foul play.

How does that even happen? Does that mean all those people who woke up and lined up so early had spoiled votes? Are you kidding me? They're not even apologetic at screwing up so badly over something so simple (stamp and tear; stamp and tear) yet has exponential results on the country's future. Such is the dirty world of politics! But I'm pretty sure it only happens in Malaysia, no? The Land of the Corrupt.

There is possibly more, but I'm getting highly upset over GE13 and I don't want to wrongly accuse any party of this... We're 20 minutes away from knowing the results of our votes. Tension is thick and emotions are running high.

1Malaysia!!!!