In Limbo

I've been putting off going to America for much too long, and it frustrates me.

On one hand I'm so reluctant to leave my home, my friends, my life here in Malaysia... On the other I'm so excited, so desperate to want to explore and be amazed.

I've met some problems with my application, which set me back another half a year. And in this free time when I step out a little to experience with my internship, I realize I'm not young enough to hide behind a silly reason for not being useful or responsible anymore.

I'm 20 years old with nothing to my name, with plans long-discarded or abandoned.

The same friends who used to look to me enviously because I'm granted the gift to study abroad have already experienced their first years in another country, being scared and overcoming their fears. They've grown up, matured somewhat, and gained a fraction of independence.

At the same time I sit at home and scroll the depths of the interwebs, aching for such a day.

I know it won't be easy- then again nothing ever is, and an object at rest stays at rest- but do I ever want to be part of the buzzing, vigorous life. Creating magic and filling the world with saturated youth and blind optimism because I can, because I want to, because I believe so.

I want to go out and explore, fly away and find new things, open my eyes to controversy, think scandalous thoughts and write about things that inspire, disgust, interest, horrify me all with enthusiasm only the young can generate.

Except I don't want to end when I'm not-young, I want to end when I'm not-remembered (which implies that I will not die in traditional silly means like body decay) and when no one knows my name anymore.

Of course all this is nothing but wishful thinking, because we all think we can change the world.

Now I just need to get up and do something about it.

Internship!

So. I've started interning at a production house just for kicks, y'know, cuz I have the time. I might as well get the experience.

The place is seriously cool, with doof bags and a TV and a sofa in the large open room... A space I thought we would be able to chill out and relax, but LOL NOPE THIS IS WORK.

It's exhausting how even though technically the whole month has more or less been just sitting in the office by 11am with the laptop open I am actually tired! I've run out of time to do my own things, reaching home at around 8pm... on a good day. Obviously although I've been meaning to blog, I wasn't quite able to just sit down and do it.

Counting Stars! ♥︎

Production work is so demanding... Though I guess that's only because it's my first time doing such a thing that I'm a little lost... From referencing to scripting to shooting... It's a lot about focus and otherwise (for me) "I hope this is okay", haha! And this is only the first half of production! @A@;;;

Essentially being the saikang! HAHAHA!

Other than the workload though, it's pretty awesome! Because all this is actual stuff... We're making things... Legit things, not silly assignments that would be irrelevant a couple of months later.

I'd blog more but it's late and I just wanted to blog before CNY, so here it is! Hopefully after the CNY rush I'd be able to at least update some pictures... Though looking at my schedule... That's rather unlikely... DERP.

Holiday Laziness

Yes I've promised to blog more often; but I've been having the sort of holiday that's packed enough to deter blogging, but not enough to be exhausting. A relatively nice balance, actually.

I've got entries for weekend trips and food reviews lined up... I just have to finish writing them up lol. They'll be up soon... I hope. 

In the meantime here have a sneak peek.