Trigonometry, My Nightmare Since 5ever.

It is my firm belief that trigonometry has ventured into the theoretical part of math, unlike traditional views of math- and I hate it. It's horrid. It baffles me. If you give me algebra, or stuff an equation with unknowns- yes that makes sense. It's understandable; x, y, π. Formulas. Cold, hard, logical mathematics. Give me graphs. Even differentiation and integration is easier to understand.

I'll be the first to say I'm intimidated by versatile mathematics.

Even though I manage to do the questions, I do not get any sort of happiness from them. I do, however, get some sort of morbid satisfaction from successfully solving a remarkably tedious question. The same sort of satisfaction comparable to getting a prick out of your hand, popping a particularly painful pimple, or throwing away food you don't like that has turned sour.

And when I don't solve the question, I feel frustrated, dumb, and incompetent. As though my self worth stems from how well I can solve math problems.

This is probably the one problem that comes from Asian parents and society's mindset. That if you don't know how solve complicated math you are considered subpar. That somehow you're just not as smart. If you don't get an A+ in math you're not a 'proper' Asian.

Don't even get me started on failing Calculus 1. Not 2, not 3. Just Calculus 1. I can foresee the shitstorm that's going to rise up anytime soon.

Granted, yes, Calculus 1 isn't hard. But I don't do math like I used to.

Sorry for being stupid.

Insecurities, What Else Is New?

So I've been having a tough week. What with all the deadlines next week and assignments and this seriously, SERIOUSLY bad habit of procrastination I have, and the social obligations that seem to jam itself into this weekend... In short, I am screwed.

Le petit ami isn't that much better off, and I suppose I must be selfish for wanting attention at this time. Surely one can't concentrate properly if someone keeps distracting you? Priorities gotta be straight, after all.

I guess I should apologize for bring so harsh all the time... Obviously becoming a special someone didn't quite change my attitude. @___@" I do wish I could treat you better, though. I suppose I just don't know how to express it as well as I should.

And as usual I think of the worst scenarios all the time. All the bad shit. My mind just comes up with them like the hurricane that brought Dorothy into Oz. I know I need to stop doing so, considering how it tends to affect me, but... Minds don't particularly like to take orders.

I should know, I've been screaming at my brain to do some proper work for the past two days to no avail.

I remember I had more to write... But I suppose even if I do it isn't going to go anywhere. I'll have probably just found way to write something in different words, that's it.

I'll be needing coffee pretty badly later when I wake up. Aww fuck. :(