Hello.

So... Fourth sem huh.

My holidays have come and gone. My blog is filled with half finished drafts. I had planned to write about third sem, then I had planned to write about Comic Fiesta, about the new friends I made, about le Petit Ami... And now I don't really think I can write about those things anymore. Fourth semester looms ahead of me like a swarm of wasps.

How odd a simile.

I'm only taking three subjects this semester. Philosophy, which I'm really looking forward to; Biology, which I think I can handle okay; Public Relations, which I'm quite neutral on. Even though it sounds easy I have a feeling it's not really going to be all sunshine and rainbows- for one I don't want to face disappoint during every test when I get my results back. Sigh.

Parents think I've got a really relaxed timetable. Well- that may seem so, sure. But to balance trying to get relatively good grades and my social life (which they agree together that I am spending too much time on) as well as le petit ami is starting to take a toll on me... The dark circles I told myself I would get rid of during the semester break is still here. I suppose they will be staying.

Just got back from Haruki's birthday party... where a bunch of cosplayers were invited. And obviously when cosplayers are given a chance to go nuts they do. And when they do... well I can't keep up. Feeling inconsequential just standing in the corner when people all know each other. I'm not saying I like to always be in the limelight... No wait yeah I like attention. Dammit. There goes my self piteous claims.

Slowly I'm starting to realize that I'm really not that great... Either that or I'm starting this insane spiral of self hating again. I thought I was over this ughhhh. Often I wonder how le petit ami puts up with me, what with mood swings and nonsensical bullshit all over the place. And yet that guy is patient as ever and considerate and loving and I just feel like I don't love him enough agdsajflkdshgldksafhagldksjf what is this agdsjflask I will come back in the morning and probably cry at myself wtf is going on hormones

But honestly... how can such a perfect guy exist... He's good at everything he does, even when he doesn't seem to show competence in it... People naturally just like him and like being around him... He's so giving and asks nothing in return...

Then I look at myself and see flaws everywhere and get depressed and think bad thoughts. And I know I can't compare, but I still pretend like I can.

What is this oh god it's like a mixture of teenager hormones and creative writing.

ahglksajf UGHHHHHHHH